Thought

5 Reasons You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody.

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“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~ Maya Angelou

Most of us walk through the world with the sole agenda of proving our self worth and purpose for being on this earth. While I know we all want to make a difference, and it’s becoming harder and harder to stand out in today’s crazy world of social media, I feel it’s my duty to remind you of why you have nothing to prove to anybody.

I’ll start by saying it simply.

5 Reasons You Have Nothing to Prove to Anybody

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

A hard concept to grasp I’m sure, but it’s very true and only you can deny it. No one can tell you how much value you have to offer, and there are certainly to “guidelines” by which we can measure a person’s worth.

Where we all run into problems with issues around self worth and value is when we attach our sense of self to what we do and how well we do it. We incessantly compare ourselves to everyone else, which leads to feeling less than, and insufficient.

We learn that if we are attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, nice enough, giving enough or talented enough that we will be accepted and belong.

The idea of being accepted and loved for who we are without including what we “do” is a novel concept for all of us.

I’ll say it again in case it didn’t go in the first time.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I can say this without even knowing you because I truly believe that each and every person walking along side of me is worthy, valuable, perfect and enough.

Here are 5 more reasons you have nothing to prove to anybody.

1. Your standards are all that matter

Stop using others as a yardstick for what and who you need to be. Set your own standards for yourself, and if those are too high then check in with yourself about how you developed these unreachable ideas about yourself in the first place. Having realistic and attainable standards for who you are and how you want to walk through this world will keep you grounded in your own authentic worthiness.

2. External validation is fleeting

It feels good to get the gold star or affirmation from someone you respect or admire. No doubt that this is a good thing for anyone. However, this kind of validation is fleeting simply because it’s not yours to own. It’s on borrowed time, and if you don’t do your own work on owning your own value this goodness will slip away. You want to hold this part of yourself sacred so it’s always available when you need it.

3. You’ll never please everyone

There is a hamster wheel for everything in life, and that includes your desire to please others by proving yourself. There will inevitably be that one person who never really sees how great you are (usually a parent) leaving you going back to the empty well over and over. Know that your honorable acts of seeking approval will be futile with a few if not many.

4. You are good enough

There’s a concept in Psychoogy developed by D.W. Winnicott that talks about the good enough mother. This applies here too. You don’t have to be perfect or more than, you just need to be good enough. Good enough has to be determined by you, and you alone. Striving to be perfect or more than you need to be will exhaust you and ultimately leave you feeling defeated because it’s unsustainable.

5. Inadequacy is an internal experience

Recognize that your feelings of not being enough or needing to prove your worth are inside of you. You may experience the feelings when you are around other people, but it’s most likely a projection of your own internal struggle. Work on this in therapy or with a trusted mentor because feeling valued and worthy completely starts within.

What constitutes approval seeking behavior and why do you think so many people are after it?

5 Clever Ways to Become More Self Confident.

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“You are as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” ~ Samuel Ullman

Have you noticed how almost every social gathering you attend has someone who stands out from the rest of the group? That person is comfortable and self-assured, making each person he or she speaks to feel equally at ease. You may have sighed to yourself, wishing you were blessed with their DNA.

Here’s a secret that may make you feel better right away. Self-confidence is in your brain, not your genes. Those people you’ve admired recognized that fact and formulated a smart game plan to develop that sense of assurance, just as they would with any goal they wanted to accomplish.

You can get a head start on your own game plan and avoid the trial-and-error that comes with learning any new skill. Use these tips for the framework and you’re well on your way to having the self-confidence that others will admire.

1. Be sure to look the part

Physical appearance is always going to provide the first impression. It’s difficult to exude confidence when slumped shoulders and crossed arms indicate the opposite. People will form an opinion based on your body language before you even get to say a word.

Mom knew best when she told you to stand up straight. That simple detail shows that you’re not afraid to be yourself. Walk through a room at a moderate pace, looking ahead rather than at the floor. Allow your hands and arms to rest comfortably at your side. Excessive fidgeting is a red flag for insecurity.

2. “Fake it till you make it”

To paraphrase a popular saying, confident is as confident does. Don’t wait until your brain has fully processed the message. If you act with ease and self-assurance, your inside will eventually catch up and synchronize with your outside.

Be sure to look people in the eye, offer a firm handshake and speak in a well-modulated tone. No matter how nervous you may feel, these actions will cause people to react positively, which in turn will boost your confidence.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu

3. Understand that everyone is insecure

Shy, timid people often feel they’re the only ones struggling with lack of confidence. This mistaken idea that they’re “different” then feeds upon itself, making it even more difficult for them to come out of their shell.

The truth is that nearly everyone has insecurities of one form or another. Recognizing that fact goes a long way toward easing your own issues. Knowing that you’re on equal ground with others creates a feeling of freedom, allowing you to interact with them more easily.

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” ~ Andre Maurois

4. Use fear to your advantage

Don’t let fear derail your growing self-confidence. Just as an experienced athlete gets butterflies before a big game, confident people can still get a pit in their stomach when entering a party. Rather than backing out, they use it as motivation to sharpen and refine their skills.

Next time you feel anxious or scared, don’t think of it as a negative. Consider it a sign that you’re still learning and growing. As long as you’re feeling fear you’ll have an incentive to continue developing your skill.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.” ~ William Jennings Bryan

5. Practice really does make perfect

Remember how you thought that the self-confident people you met were born with it? That’s because they’ve practiced so often that they’ve internalized these traits, making them seem natural.

Going back to the sports metaphor, consider the concept of “muscle memory”. Athletes practice so often that their bodies automatically remember how to respond in a certain situation. You can use the same idea to train your brain to react with the appropriate signals. Take every possible opportunity to interact with others, practicing what you’ve already learned and gaining knowledge for the future.

These ideas provide a solid foundation for you to build and strengthen your sense of self-confidence. Before long, that person in the room everyone wants to know will be you!

In society generally, do you think there are more problems caused by overconfidence or underconfidence?

 

The Single Most Important Thing You Need to Know about Weight Loss.

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For years I struggled to lose weight. I was constantly in a weight-loss, weight-gain cycle that I could never break. I had this idea that once I lost weight, I could finally be the happy, fulfilled person I so desperately wanted to be. However, once I would reach my “goal”, I was never satisfied. I remember specifically going to the doctors and being told, “you weigh 114 pounds” and being utterly shocked. “114 pounds!?” I thought, “Wow that’s basically what I’ve always dreamt of!” So why wasn’t I happy? In fact I was not only NOT happy, I was as miserable as I had ever been in my life.

Like many girls, and the female gender specifically (not to minimize any of the pressures men feel in society as well however), we are constantly told that being thin and the number on the scale is directly related to your success, how many people will like you, accept you, love you, etc. etc. We constantly see images that tell us if ONLY we were thin, we would be pretty, happy, and accepted. However, after meeting someone who knew what ‘real’ health was, a former personal trainer, through learning by observation, over time and most recently, I finally learnt the common mistakes I made and myths I believed on my weight loss journey that held me back from ever achieving long lasting success in my body and in LIFE. By writing this, hopefully someone out there will save themselves years of neglect, constant under eating, constant over eating, anxiety, fear and depression, and overall, a complete lack of love and acceptance of him/herself. Most importantly, I am writing this for myself, as a reference and story to never forget.

If you want to lose ‘weight’ and have a better body that is OK. But don’t think it will solve any of your problems, doubts and fears, make someone love you, make you successful or happy, give you inner peace, or ANYTHING with long lasting satisfaction.

Your pursuit for a better body is an external pursuit that will never satisfy the soul. We are internal beings first, and most importantly. Losing weight, getting a better body, or being a better version of yourself, whatever you define that is, is seeking satisfaction from something outside yourself. Until you accept yourself as you are right now, you will never be happy with anything external in your life.

Say you get the body of your dreams. It is exactly what you always imagined and it is finally yours! But what you considered perfect or what you wanted was something that now you have expanded to in your most current state. As humans, we constantly expand. In other words, it is ALL RELATIVE. What was once satisfying to you today, once you achieve, will no longer be satisfying tomorrow, because it’s already been DONE. Once you get small legs, you want a bigger butt. Once you get a flat stomach, you want a six-pack. Once you have the perfect body, you want to be a bikini model. Once you worked at an ice-cream store, now you want to be a CEO.

My point here is: your whole life will be improving and expanding on what you have now become. You will never reach any point in your life and say, “I’m finally here! I am complete!” Well, sort of. In reality, the day to say that is right NOW. Because Now is all you ever have. You are never in the “future” you are only ever in the present moment. Which is why if you are constantly chasing tomorrow, you are missing out on today. When you miss out on today, you miss out on all the opportunities in front of you that can make you happy NOW and satisfied NOW.

In life, there is absolutely no destination; it is only a journey. Would you rather enjoy the journey, being your entire life? Or, constantly chase a utopian destination that you will never arrive at?

I can hear some of you asking, “If I accept myself and love myself as I am right now, won’t I become lazy, unmotivated, and not care about being a healthy fit person, and not care about my body goals anymore or any goals for my life for that matter?”

Of course not! And that is the mistake I made probably since I was 15 (I am 21 now). Loving yourself now is an INTERNAL acceptance of your inner self. Wanting a better body is an EXTERNAL process outside that internal being of which you are.

Another way to look at it is, for the rest of your life you will change, along with the circumstances in your life. Your jobs, friends, houses, clothes, family, perceptions, ideas, goals, your body, your face,…pretty much everything about you right now will change over time and is OUTSIDE of who you truly are. The only thing that will not change (IF you allow it) is that internal love and acceptance of yourself regardless of external circumstances. This is why people constantly chase external pursuits (cars, money, lots of men/women, expensive clothes, lots of friends, etc) and thinking that those THINGS will be their saving grace. But see, you are NO THING.

Your internal essence cannot be defined by human constructions. You are simply a Being that is worthy, valuable, lovable, and perfect in every way (YES, Perfect). Anything externally gained and achieved is a cherry on top that adds some fun and spice along your journey, but it can never be what your happiness is based on because it is not ever lasting. Many people who are considered in our society to “have it all” are actually very unhappy people. This is because they constantly try to obtain more and more THINGS to satisfy internal nourishment that can only ever be satisfied by turning inwards for love, acceptance, and inner peace. That external pursuit which they take very seriously is only a temporary fix. Just like a drug will only temporarily get you high and make you feel good. Over time though, it wears off, and you just need more and more to satisfy yourself.

I want to clarify again that having goals in your life is absolutely okay and important! It is natural and should be a source of excitement and pleasure. I am not saying external pursuits are bad in any way. I am simply saying they turn bad when you believe that they are the only things that can and will ever satisfy your life. If you feel that there are things in your life that if you could only just have and then you can be truly who you are (A happy, loveable, outgoing, peaceful, satisfied being), then you are viewing life as a means to an end, one day realizing that you wasted your whole life trying to “get somewhere”, when you already had arrived, and had everything you needed inside yourself.

My take away message is: Don’t miss out on today because today is all you ever have.Tomorrow never comes because it will always just be today. Love yourself right now regardless of anything happening in your life. Once you love yourself fully, you make good decisions towards your health and life pursuits that will get you to your goals much faster and you will be able to sustain them. Speaking again from experience, I didn’t love myself and didn’t think I was good enough for a very long time (Although this is still a process we all must work at every single day). That belief alone sabotaged my body goals, because your thought processes determines your actions. I didn’t think I was good enough to be allowed to eat food, the right food for my body, or think I was worthy of the time and effort to put into myself at the gym.

Before starting any goals in your life, fitness related or not, ask yourself these questions as honestly as you can: Do I need this to satisfy me? Do I need this to make me happy? Once I reach this goal will I then finally accept myself and feel like worthy, whole being? If your answer is yes, I seriously suggest you begin an inner transformation before starting any outside transformation. Until you do this, all of your life’s successes will never be good enough and very short lived, because you don’t believe you are good enough just as you are right now, with what you have right now, and who you are internally at your core.

Let go of resistance today and love yourself right now, because I promise, it will be everlasting satisfaction and success.

Natalie

This article was written by Natalie Campbell. Natalie is a self-discovery detective based in Toronto, Canada. Currently designing a 365 day ‘Spirituality Workout’ she will soon embark, she hopes to break the habitual cycle of negative thought, self-hate, and excessive worry she has carried through her 21 years. Find her atwww.thespiritualityworkout.wordpress.com or Natalie.campbell29@gmail.com

 

Are You A Right Brain Or Left Brain Thinking ?

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Have you ever heard people say that they tend to be more of a right-brain or left-brain thinker? From books to television programs, you’ve probably heard the phrase mentioned numerous times or perhaps you’ve even taken an online test to determine which type best describes you. Given the popularity of the idea of “right brained” and “left brained” thinkers, it might surprise you learn learn that this idea is little more than a myth.

What Is Left Brain – Right Brain Theory?

According to the theory of left-brain or right-brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking. Additionally, people are said to prefer one type of thinking over the other. For example, a person who is “left-brained” is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective, while a person who is “right-brained” is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective.

In psychology, the theory is based on what is known as the lateralization of brain function. So does one side of the brain really control specific functions? Are people either left-brained or right-brained? Like many popular psychology myths, this one grew out of observations about the human brain that were then dramatically distorted and exaggerated.

The right brain-left brain theory originated in the work of Roger W. Sperry, who was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1981. While studying the effects of epilepsy, Sperry discovered that cutting the corpus collosum (the structure that connects the two hemispheres of the brain) could reduce or eliminate seizures.

However, these patients also experienced other symptoms after the communication pathway between the two sides of the brain was cut. For example, many split-brain patients found themselves unable to name objects that were processed by the right side of the brain, but were able to name objects that were processed by the left-side of the brain. Based on this information, Sperry suggested that language was controlled by the left-side of the brain.

Later research has shown that the brain is not nearly as dichotomous as once thought. For example, recent research has shown that abilities in subjects such as math are actually strongest when both halves of the brain work together. Today, neuroscientists know that the two sides of the brain work together to perform a wide variety of tasks and that the two hemispheres communicate through the corpus collosum.

“No matter how lateralized the brain can get, though, the two sides still work together,” explains science writer Carl Zimmer in an article for Discover magazine. “The pop psychology notion of a left brain and a right brain doesn’t capture their intimate working relationship. The left hemisphere specializes in picking out the sounds that form words and working out the syntax of the words, for example, but it does not have a monopoly on language processing. The right hemisphere is actually more sensitive to the emotional features of language, tuning in to the slow rhythms of speech that carry intonation and stress.”

While the idea of right brain / left brain thinkers has been debunked, its popularity persists. So what exactly does this theory suggest?

The Right Brain

According to the left-brain, right-brain dominance theory, the right side of the brain is best at expressive and creative tasks. Some of the abilities that are popularly associated with the right side of the brain include:

  • Recognizing faces
  • Expressing emotions
  • Music
  • Reading emotions
  • Color
  • Images
  • Intuition
  • Creativity

The Left Brain

The left-side of the brain is considered to be adept at tasks that involve logic, language and analytical thinking. The left-brain is often described as being better at:

  • Language
  • Logic
  • Critical thinking
  • Numbers
  • Reasoning

The Uses of Right-Brain, Left-Brain Theory

While often over-generalized and overstated by popular psychology and self-help texts, understanding your strengths and weaknesses in certain areas can help you develop better ways to learn and study. For example, students who have a difficult time following verbal instructions (often cited as a right-brain characteristic) can benefit from writing down directions and developing better organizational skills.

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7 Things They Should Teach You in School but Don’t.

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“It is hard to convince a high school student that he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.” ~ Edgar W. Howe

You know what I realized recently? That I don’t really remember much of the things I have learned in school.I don’t know about you, but when I think about the things that shaped and helped me improve myself and my life, the things that contributed to my growth and evolution, I realize that they didn’t came from school but from what I have learned after I finished my studies… I guess Dr. Seuss was right, “You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.”

What I will share with you today is a list of 7 things I think should teach you in school but don’t. Enjoy.

1. The more positive your thoughts are, the happier your life gets

Most of us have no idea how powerful our thoughts are and how, because of our polluted and toxic way of thinking, we make our lives a lot harder and unhappier than it should be. Just look how beautifully Albert Einstein talks about the power of our thoughts: “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

Our thoughts shape and make us who we are. If our thoughts are negative and destructive, our beliefs will mirror our thoughts and based on these beliefs we will craft our lives. If the mind is made pure, everything else will be made pure.

“If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” ~ William James

I wish they would’ve taught me these things in school. I wish they would’ve told me that once you change your thinking you are in fact changing your whole life and that the more positive your thoughts are, the happier your life will get.

2. People will raise and lower at the level of your expectations

When I was a little kid, I didn’t like my teachers very much simply because I felt like they were treating their students differently based on the way we all looked, the way we were dressed and based on who our parents were.

They were placing labels on little kids, treating all of us differently, condemning those who came from less favorable homes to stay stuck in that place while those who came from more fortunate backgrounds to become better and better at everything they did.

The way I see it, a teachers’s job and responsibility is to shape his or her students in a beautiful and powerful way, to raise them up and not to tear them.

One of my favorite quotes of all times comes from Goethe where he talks about how people will raise and lower at the level of your expectations: “If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”

3. The value of Self Love 

If you ask me, self love is the key to a happy and meaningful life. When you honor and love yourself for who you are and for who you are not, you will know how to honor and love the world around you as well.

Because you have so much love for yourself, you will extend that love outwards, on to your family and friends, your work, the environment and every living thing you come in contact with.

We project outwards that which we are inwards and if we learn to love and accept ourselves we will know how to love and accept the whole world.

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.” ~ Steve Maraboli,

4. A musician must make music, an artist must paint and a poet must write

I studied art for 12 years but because I was lead to believe that you can’t really make a living from pursuing a career in this field, I was “advised” to go study Economics, because you see, that’s where the money are.

As a “well behaved human” that I was at that time and because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I did what the “experts” suggested I would do. I went to University and studied Economics. Biggest mistakes I have ever made.

Being stuck in a place where I felt like I did not belong, studying something that made no sense for me whatsoever led me to believe I was stupid. I remember looking at my books and not understanding anything that was in there. I just couldn’t understand why was it so hard for me to understand accounting, finance, banking and all the other subjects I was studying…

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Einstein

It took me quite so time for me to understand that you you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole and that if you are an artist, you have to create art, and if you are an accountant, you have to do what accountants do :)

I think Abraham Harold Maslow said it best: “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be.”

5. The importance of being present and engaged in the now

I wish I would’ve learned in school how to be present and engaged in the present moment and how to appreciate life for what it is and also for what it not. To be thankful for whatever the present moment has to offer and if I say I want to be happy, to be happy here and now and not to wait for things to change and time to pass in order to feel those good feelings I say I want to feel.

Little children are very good at being present and engaged in the now but as they grow older and older, things change. Their minds start to wonder around, keeping them from being fully present in the now, keeping them from having as much fun as they used to when they were younger. They start to worry, to fear and to stress about the many things that might go wrong with them and the world around them… they stop enjoying life.

At the core, we all know how to be present, we all know ho to be happy,  how to enjoy life but for different reasons, we tend to forget and that’s why I think school would be a great place for us to start remembering and start living.

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

6. Be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else

Since we are all unique individuals with unique gifts and talents, I think it would be great if they would start encouraging students in schools to embrace their authenticity, to teach them that its okay to be who they really are without the fear of being judged, labeled or criticized. Teachers shouldn’t ask their students to be normal but rather to be themselves.

We are all different and we can’t all play by the same rules. Our differences should be celebrated, appreciated and encouraged in schools, not judged, ridiculed and labeled harshly…

We need more authentic people in this world and schools would be a great place to learn about its value and importance.

“Being yourself is one of the hardest things because it’s scary. You always wonder whether you’ll be accepted for who you really are. I decided to call my record ‘Inside Out’ because that’s my motto about life. I don’t think you ever succeed at trying to be anyone else but who you truly are.” ~ Emmy Rossum

7. Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself.

Why don’t they teach you in school not to get your sense of worth from outside yourself?  Why don’t they have a class called “Who you are is more than enough and you should never look outside yourself for approval and validation”?

When I was in school, comparison and competition were strongly encouraged by my teachers. As a result, we were all trying to get the best grades and we were all trying to better than the other students. We were all perceiving ourselves as being more or less valuable based on our grades.

Because I wanted to be the best in my class and because I wanted my teachers to like me, I was studying for the wrong reason. I wasn’t studying because I enjoyed studying or because I was passionate about the subjects I was studying but because I was after their approval.

It took me a long time until I realized that self worth comes from who you are internally and not from how other people treat you externally.

Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself. Don’t let other people tell you how much you’re worth, decide for yourself. It’s called self worth not others worth.

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

Even though nobody taught me these things in school, I am grateful for the many books I have read and the many great teachers that came my way that taught me all of these things and many others.

How to Listen to Your Heart, Even If Your Mind Disagrees.

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“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~Steve Jobs

We’ve all been there. Stuck in the middle of our decision making mode. Our heart tells us one thing, while our mind tries to keep us safe. Two totally different directions. One feels right, while the other is the most logical option.

What have you been following in the past? Do your decisions sound right or feel right? Take a look at where you are right now. Your life might be filled with logical and safe decisions. Which is great, but it’s leaving a lot of unused potential on the table.

your-heart

You would love to be free flowing, in love with your decisions and place you’re at in your life. For some reason you’re not there yet. You’re close, but always feel on the fringe.

You’ve tasted the times in your life when you’ve been fully immersed in your decisions. Engaging with the uncomfortableness of not having a plan, but at least it felt right. If only you could be here more often.

You Haven’t Given Yourself Time to Develop Heart-Centered Confidence

Living in tune with your heart can be a totally new concept. Today we’re so wrapped up in making decisions based on endless pro and con lists, that we never allow any space for new opportunities or potentials. The notion of living in a “cause and effect” mechanistic world pervades our every thought.

Even though we’re notoriously bad at predicting the future, we pretend as if we have the insight of Merlin’s crystal ball. Not bad, but we can only predict so far. I’m guessing most of your decisions come in the form of receiving an innate feeling you know you should see out, but that’s usually overridden because it doesn’t seem possible.

As humans we love falling back on routine. Our same thoughts and habits pervade our everyday existence. We can either let these thoughts and beliefs, based on our past, direct our lives or we can inject new life into them.

The decision is up to you.

The moment your eyes open in the morning you’re faced with decisions. This route or that route to work. Take the new job, or move across the country. Most decisions aren’t life changing, but still add up to our overall life experience. By adding more space and deeper feeling into your decision making process you bring more possibility into your life. It’s time to start learning how to navigate these new waters.

All you need to do is balance two aspects of your being, the heart and mind.

Logic and Analytic Thought Dominate Our Culture

Logic and analytic thought saturate our world, there’s no way around it. Since the start of the scientific revolution we’ve been on a binge of rationality. A well thought out piece of writing is truly a beautiful thing, but when rational thinking dominates the spectrum of your life, you’re leaving spontaneity and the potential for unseen growth on the table.

Rationality isn’t inherently bad, but since we’re imbalanced we end up playing life with half of the chips. We can see the dominance of rationality, fear and control throughout the world. From global issues such as global warming, to the governments of repression. Worldwide issues can give us a glimpse into where our inner worlds have gone wrong.

In this case, an imbalance of logic over the subtleties of an intuition based language. Instead of following our heart and operating with trust at the forefront we place a higher degree of value on conforming and what makes the most sense. The biggest issue here is our individual nature is lost in fear of rebellion from the whole. We’ve created a cultural footprint that’s almost impossible to step out of.

Rebellion is met with resistance, and a lot of times that resistance wins.

We can only forecast our lives based upon the information we have at the present. By strictly living in the realm of rationality we cut off contact to the deeper source of life and the random events that change us and the course of history. The freewheeling nature of a heart-centered decision reaches farther than the contents of our mind can follow.

It’s time to change course and start navigating the deeper waters.

Bring the Power Home and Awaken the Heart

In utilizing your heart you open an entirely new stream of possibility into your life. By making decisions with your heart wide open you develop the trust muscle. In doing this a new source of self-love and trust emerges where there was only emptiness before.

Big changes and shifts in your life seem a little less scary as you begin to become familiar with the presence of uncertainty in your life. By living in tune with the part of yourself that always has your greatest interests in mind you’ll bring more of what you’re looking for into your life. This isn’t woo woo law of attraction imaginings, but instead, a way of viewing and feeling through the world instead of judging and analyzing yourself into a box.

When you first begin to make decisions from the deeper part of yourself you’ll feel massive resistance. The feeling of uncertainty is simply the mind trying to grapple with your decision. The amount of evidence currently in your palm doesn’t compute with the path you’re about to take. Your decision might go against the grain of your peers and family, but if the decision feels right then it’s what you have to do.

Obviously, this is easier said than done. The process of building your inner trust muscle takes time and can only blossom through action. Just as an iron sword is forged in the heat of a fire. Your life’s path can only unfold through coming into contact with the realities of life. In bringing your heart to life you awaken a fire within that has more force than all of the willpower you could ever muster.

How do I begin to unravel the hidden yearnings of my heart?

Start to Lay the New Decision Making Foundation

A house won’t last very long without a proper foundation, especially if you’re building a cabin to withstand the elements. A gust from a big bad wolf will knock it down in an instant. If you want your new decision making power to last longer than the first gale force wind thrown at you then it’s time to get to work.

The following steps will start to build a momentum of their own if you engage with them daily. For some that means building routines, while for others that means setting aside some time or space, or even setting a reminder on your phone to step back into your new decision making mechanism.

1. A proper foundation takes time

Trying to make any lasting change takes time. Especially, if it’s worthwhile. We all wish for habit changes to be as simple as turning on a light switch, but sadly this is never the case. If it was we wouldn’t value it as much.

Think about it, what holds more value, a handcrafted good, every stitch made with love, or a mass produced burlap sack? I’ll leave that judgement up to you.

If you were to start weight lifting or any kind of training, it would be impossible to start lifting heavy or training intensely right away. You need time for lasting growth.

Set aside some time every day and commit to it. You can’t build momentum by rolling a ball once. Every day push it a little farther. The first few times you’re priming your heart and it will feel awkward, so be ready for this.

Start the process by continuously asking yourself the following questions:

Where do I feel this decision?

Am I doing this because I feel it’s what I “should” do?

Is this in tune with the best version of myself?

How do I feel moving forward?

By consciously playing in the realm of the heart you’ll start to be able to see patterns and actually see if you’re living in tune with your highest self. By asking these questions you start to allow the mind and heart to play together nicely. You enable the mind to take a back seat through asking questions laced with deeper purpose and feeling.

 2. Think of it as learning a new language

If you’ve ever tried to learn a foreign language you know firsthand how confusing the process can be. Or maybe you’ve even experienced being dropped into a country where you don’t speak the language. Definitely, a sink or swim moment!

Think of this process along the same vein. If you really want to become fluent you have to immerse yourself as frequently as possible. You must cultivate drive, persistence, and inner-trust, soon it will become easier to flow through life and your decision making process.

Instead of having a decision come in the form of a weighing of good and bad, it will show up with a feeling. You need the courage to let this deep feeling impulse direct you. Make sure to watch out for the emotional swings we all feel. You have to overcome these and realize these won’t lead you where you want to go.

You’ve gotta’ go deep, my friend. You can’t assume your hunger pains or fatigue are telling you to quit your job and grab a burger. The deeper current is where you want to swim.

When you have a deep feeling you’ll know it, it feels like love, lightness, intense fear, deep unknowing, or nervousness you’ve never felt before. For everyone it shows up differently, I can’t give you the details of your inner experience.

That’s where the trust muscle comes in. Feel it and run with it.

3.  Start small and develop a toolkit of feeling

As you continue to ask yourself questions on a daily basis certain patterns might start to show up. Try to take notice of these. Maybe when you immerse yourself in writing, time dissolves and you’re left feeling refreshed after the experience. This wont happen every time, but if it happens more often than not, then it’s where you need to be.

Life is a grand experiment anyways, so you might as well conduct your life in the same manner. In doing a series of mini-experiments you’ll learn to distinguish your fleeting impulses from your heart-centered callings. In this case action is key.

You can either act based upon these or let them float by. The choice is always in your hand, when you let your mind override these feelings. Discounting them as silly, childish, or impossible, you’re really not valuing your own innate potential and value as a human being.

Before you start to rationalize why you shouldn’t take action, do yourself a favor and take a baby step. Try recognizing your deeper feeling current and act from it. See what happens. As you take action, confidence in your ability to trust the greater workings of the universe will begin to arise.

You can never trace your steps going forward, only after you’ve taken action will patterns begin to emerge.

4. Reflect on the direction and ask questions

We’ve all had the feeling of falling off, doing things not in alignment with who we truly are. This can happen even when we’re attempting to follow our hearts if we never check in and see how far we’ve come. Our mind is a tricky beast and has the ability to allow us to diverge from where we truly want to be. All while thinking we’re still on track.

You must make time to reflect, on the process, on your life, and on your new path of learning. By following the process of engaging with deep questions, seeing when deep feelings arise, taking aligned action and taking notes you’ll be well on your way to developing the ability to listen to your heart.

The strength of this way of feeling through life will allow you to override your mind. You’ll be able to lean on yourself and trust your decisions, even if your mind says they’re irrational. You’ve learned to trust and navigate the deeper current.

Reflect on your path as often as possible. Your decisions may look like a smattering of stars dotting the sky, but after a while you’ll be able to build constellations out of your own life.

purposefairy.com

10 Steps to Create What Your Desire.

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Want to Change Something in Your Life? If so, here are 10 Steps to Create What Your Desire:

1. Name that which you want but do not have

This first step actually requires some new awareness, as what you want may be combobbled up with a mess of thinking that now rests in “I’m not happy or satisfied.” So pause, take a breath, and let rise to the surface new clarity about what you are missing and now want.

2. Consider this: is what you want solely about you, or might it benefit others as well?

In my view, corporations that focus on profit, rather than on a bigger mission or service, are missing the boat. Those corporations typically operate in a low-trust culture that limits innovation and inspired action. Conversely, corporations that have a service or products to offer that benefit others, and work toward that vision, profit is acquired naturally. Same is true for people. If you find yourself solely on the “me plan” (as Sakyong Mipham says), you may be limiting yourself in achieving bigger outcomes that serve both you and others.

3. Your “because” statement

Answer: “Why don’t you have it?” Your “because” statement probably points you to an old mind set (thought-belief-habit) that is keeping you from having what you want.

Good to write out your “because” statement and not just think about it. Once you get it on paper you will automatically gain the awareness of what has been stopping you that may seem real, but actually is not true. Check out the actual facts, and take care of what’s physically missing that you have control over, like needed training or experience. If you have the necessary resources, then a good deal of what’s keeping you from what you want is locked in an unconscious limiting belief and needs to be unearthed and reinvented.

4. Name a new condition that you want present in your life.

Saying “a million dollars” is not useful, because it won’t come flying in the window. But rather than being practical, be thoughtfully specific. Delve into the possibilities, and come up with what calls to you. If you think it is about money, first ask yourself how a certain amount of money would actually make a difference. If you answer, “an updated or new car model”, hold the vision on that car instead of a dollar amount.  If you really want to target a money amount, identify the specific target outcome you desire and are committed to.  For example, “more money” won’t work; but “add $20,000 to my bank account in the next five years,” does work. (Then you might brainstorm how you can add to your current income flow or cost reductions to achieve your goal.)

5. Visualize the outcome as present, now.

Experience how achieving your intention feels. See it visually accomplished. Think how the achievement will benefit you. Relish in your success. Give yourself a ‘high five’ and say out loud: “Yes!” (Fist pump appropriate!)

6. Adopt a new mindset that affirms the reality you desire.

Best to start with “I am . . . (fill in the blank) and lovingly repeat this affirmation throughout the days ahead. Again, in addition to saying it, see it completed, and how great it feels!

7. Listen to your inner guide (intuition) for inspired ideas.

Jump on any insights and quickly take action. Do whatever you can to move closer to your target achievement. I find that sitting quietly and asking a pertinent question if most often followed by a thought/answer “popping” in my mind. Acting on intuitive hunches can open up new possibilities. Keep going~ committed persistence is powerful!

8. Track and acknowledge small gains you are making.

More fist pumps are very good! Any small celebration actually creates greater inner confidence, which in turn leads to additional risk-taking and more powerful outcomes.

9. If you notice you are on the wrong track, immediately take a “come-back” action such as:

Sometimes you just need to break through some resistance, or add-in a fresh affirmation that inspires action. Reinvent a way back or ahead, and keep going.

Check out new resources you made need, including education, training, or coaching assistance. Having a trusted partner is hugely important.

Modify your approach based on new information coming your way. (The analogy of an airplane being off course most of the time on its way to the destination applies; because the pilot keeps making small course corrections, the flight arrives at its destination pretty much on time.)

10.  Arrive at your target destination

Arrive at your target destination, (or next step on your path), pat yourself on the back, and appropriately celebrate big time! (Fist pumps are now mandatory!)

Source: http://www.purposefairy.com

 

Are You Thinking Your Way out of Happiness?

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Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

At the age of 5, I sang at the Playboy Club. At 10 years old, I got the part of Lady Macbeth in a school production of Macbeth. Growing up I sang and acted whenever and wherever I could. Performing was what I loved, what I was good at, and what I did… without thinking about it.

Then I grew up enough to learn the art of messing with ones mind. My bullet train to success began to derail as it made pit stops at:

“You’re not that good of a singer.

There are so many talented actresses who never catch a break

The odds are against you.

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You’d better have a back-up plan.”

I had been on the express train until my resident monster squatter hijacked my brain, took the controls and made these pit(y) stops creating self doubts. These doubts created uncertainty in my abilities and dampened my determination to believe in what was possible vs. probable.

You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind. ~Darwin P. Kingsley

When we’re younger, we act (or do) first and think later. As we get older, we think, and think, and think, and sometimes never get around to doing. Sometimes it’s because we’re not sure of what it is we want to do, or we’re afraid, or we worry about the ‘how’ it could ever materialize.

You can stay alert to opportunities by being grounded in the wisdom of uncertainty. When your preparedness meets opportunity, the solution will spontaneously appear. ~Deepak Chopra

If you’re worried about ‘how’ it will happen, don’t. Just don’t. When you take a few steps forward every day, you will arrive where you need to be. Also expect that there will be surprises and destinations along the way that you could never have planned for, or imagined. As a performer, I always wished for an additional way to fill my creative tank without being dependent on the seemingly random casting process. While I still have faith that my acting pipeline hasn’t dried up, I would never have guessed that the fuel to top off my tank would be writing.

If you haven’t yet discovered your passion and your vision is blurry, don’t force it. I have found that life’s viewfinder will focus on what it is you are supposed to be doing when it’s time. We want light to be shed on the answer now, but we need to be patient and trust that it is in the darkroom where our picture will develop. Welcome uncertainty. Detach from the outcome.

In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. ~Deepak Chopra

Be prepared, and be open for all possibilities. Exciting opportunities await when you are in a mindset to receive them. Do not allow the monster DJ of KFUK radio in your head to control you. These are old beliefs from an old playlist. Don’t copy and paste them to your life now. Go find that file in your playlist labeled something like, “Operation Sabotage” and delete it from your mental hard drive. Thinking can help us move on our way, instead of getting in our way! Begin inputting encouraging, positive data, including all you are grateful for. The results will be astounding.

Source: http://www.purposefairy.com

A Little Guide on How to Master the Art of Listening.

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We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say. ~Zeno of Citium

We are living in a world where people feel disconnected from each other. A feeling of alienation is pervading our culture, and there is a deep reason why this is so.

The reason is that we have not yet learned to genuinely communicate.

This is most obvious when observing two people while they are having a conversation with each other. During a conversation, most people don’t truly listen to what the other is saying. Of course, they do hear words but that is very different from listening.

To listen means to understand the meaning that lies behind words. It means to be totally absorbed into what the other is trying to communicate. It means to be focused on the essence of what the other wants to convey through words.

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By not being able to listen, we fail to communicate. Naturally, we end up feeling lonely and alienated. When we cannot understand others and others cannot understand us, we feel disconnected from the rest of humanity. When we have nobody with whom we can truly share our thoughts and emotions, we end up being depressed and develop various social phobias.

To feel connected with those around us, we need to start communicating on a deeper level. The basic and most important step to achieve this is by learning how to listen. Only in this way can we have a heartfelt communication where we can truly share with one another.

When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

Here is a little yet concise guide on how to master the art of listening:

1. Desire to learn

A conversation is always an opportunity to learn something new. Everyone has a great story to tell, and we can learn from anybody. Many times when someone is talking to us we are just pretending to listen—we hear words, we nod our heads, we show that we understand, but in reality we don’t. The reason why this happens is that we are not truly interested to know about another’s story. We are so filled with our inner chatter, our problems and concerns, that we don’t have the mental space that is necessary to allow another’s story enter our lives. To genuinely listen, we need to cultivate the desire to learn, to understand—we need to care for what the other has to say.

2. Keep an open mind

Sometimes our ideologies are blocking new ideas from entering our minds. In addition, our opinions, superstitions, and expectations usually color the meaning of what others are trying to communicate to us through the spoken word. When listening to someone talking to you, make sure to leave your belief systems aside for a while and just keep an open mind.

3. Be receptive

While engaged in a conversation, most of us are continuously interrupting people, not letting others say what they want to say. We are continuously on the lookout for an opportunity to speak about our own story. In this way, however, we do not allow others to express themselves and communicate their thoughts and emotions to us. As a result, we never get to understand them. When  having a conversation, make sure not to hurriedly interrupt or respond, and stop trying to solve things out or reach to quick conclusions. Just listen.

4. Be patient

To understand another takes a great deal of patience. Usually we are in such a hurry that we don’t have the time anymore to get together and listen to each other. And even when we do, we do so in such a quick way that we don’t get anything out of it. We never get intimate with one another—we don’t allow ourselves to reach another’s mind, heart and soul. From now on, when you are having a conversation, don’t push it. Give it the time that is needed and just let it flow, allowing yourself to squeeze the juice out of it.

Source: Purpose Fairy

How to Take Authority over Your Thoughts and Feelings.

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Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale

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Some people suggest that our thoughts and feelings are not actually true – that we made them up based on the conditioning we received and the interpretations we made, or even the belief that all of physical reality is perception and not actually the “truth.” What is real is our “Natural Self” ─ who we are behind the beliefs that lead to the feelings we all experience.

That said, what are we to do when we are “caught in the web” of a negative feeling – typically a result of an underlying belief associated with fear? We can’t run from it for sure, and no matter how hard we try to stop thinking or feeling what we are drowning in, there’s doesn’t seem to be a quick fix or extrication from the grasp of what our mind is telling us.

Personally speaking, extricating myself from those limiting beliefs has been a slow and difficult process, and only occurred over time as I challenged my negative thinking. I finally came to realize, however, that I was in charge of my thoughts and feelings, and could take authority over them. Rather than snap my fingers and have them go away, I still had to process through the experience I first created, enter into the feelings, release them, and create a new belief or interpretation to empower my actions.

I like to think of life in the way Timothy Gallwey explains how to play The Inner Game of Golf. He refers to the critic standing over our shoulder telling us how to hit the next shot, telling us what not to do, and then scolding us for doing it! To dispel the voice of this “intruder,” he suggests a number of action strategies to get us back in touch with our Natural Self ─ the one who hits the ball far better than the “self” who listens to the voice of our critic. This strategy has direct application to anything we do in life. By finding ways of getting back in the flow of being and doing that which is aligned with our authentic or Natural Self, we not only perform much better, but are far happier living life.

So, how do we change our story or shift our beliefs? Typically, these limiting beliefs have been with us a very long time, and they are probably embedded in our unconscious mind.

The first critical step to be mindful of is Awareness. As you become aware of negative thoughts having a field day in your mind (being directed by “the intruder”), try using various strategies to first interrupt the old story. Then start the new game of practicing doing this as often as needed, in order to diminish the power of and change the old belief.

Here are some strategies to interrupt “rut thinking” as soon as you become aware of having fallen into a hole:

Stand up, move about, take a walk, get physical.

Stop and engage the moment with a few breaths, and notice how your body feels.

Look up, look around, and notice where you are in the present  moment rather than being lost in thought or planning

After interrupting your pattern, you can then return to the situation and discover more clearly what is going on, the thoughts you were making up, and the feelings that resulted. Then begin the process of taking back your authority. Choose the thoughts you want to think by using thisSeven-Step Pivotal Technique to release and replace the false story you had been conditioned to make up:

1. Notice how you are feeling, how your body has reacted.

2. Experience the feeling as fully as you can. For five minutes try playing out the worst case scenario in your mind. Sorry, but this step is important. Personally, I breathe in the negativity and imagine it entering every cell of my body, and I have not died from the fear yet!

3. Surrender to the Universe ─ an all powerful loving Source. Feel the gift of this love coming your way. Ask for assistance in releasing the old unwanted pattern; then take a few deep breaths, and let go. (Some call this “Casting the burden.”)

4. Now determine whether your feeling/belief is actually true. What is the information you have to base your decision on?

5.  Notice how the old belief felt absolutely real, although it was probably not actually true. Claim this as a mantra anytime you are confronted by experiencing an old limiting belief: “real, but not true!”

6. Take authority over your thoughts, decisions, and choices, and create a new empowering belief. (If the old belief led to a limiting outcome or disappointment, consider how the new belief will create just the opposite. Imagine a new end result, with an inspired feeling, in the present moment of Now! This practice will let the Universe get busy and start creating the possibilities into which you will step and act to manifest the new result you want!)

7. Experience a moment of deep gratitude, then get active, and move on!

One of the interesting facts of life is that we sometimes pay little attention to the facts of life! So, rather than believing what you are thinking is actually true, check it out! It may just be that by noticing the actual truth, leaving negativity behind becomes a lot easier.

 

Source: Purpose Fairy