Feeling

6 Ways to Help Your Child Deal with Anger.

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Anger is a feeling that we all experience at some point or another. Yet, similarly to sadness or fear, it’s the kind of feeling we’d rather not be seen with in public. It’s what is classed as a ‘negative’ feeling, a ‘bad’ feeling and we don’t want to be around it.

For many years I worked with children who experienced their own emotions and social interactions as challenging and, as a result, displayed behaviour that was challenging for the adults who took care of them. Unfortunately, many common approaches that were and are still employed to try and help these children are based on this assumption that feelings such as anger are bad, thereby giving children bad messages about their feelings as well as themselves.

Most approaches merely manage the behaviour, i.e. the symptoms but and don’t offer much help in dealing with the cause, the feeling itself.

Here’s what I think would really help a child in dealing with their anger and other difficult feelings:

1. Distinguish between the person, the feeling and the behaviour

Let your child know that it is okay to experience anger and that you understand. Don’t reject them because they are angry. If they start to display behaviour that is harmful to themselves and/or others you need to intervene and possibly remove them from the situation but stay with them and make it clear that you are stopping them from hurting others and/or themselves and not punishing them.

2. Teach mindfulness

Instead of teaching children that anger is a bad feeling that they need to try and get rid of as soon as possible, teach them skills such as mindfulness that enable them to stay with it when it arises and to watch it disappear by itself. Teach them the skill when they are calm and sit with them and guide them through it when they are angry.

3. Facilitate a positive outlet for it

Teach children ways to express and explore their anger safely, for example write down how they are feeling or draw a picture of their anger. Alternatively, just take your child for a walk in nature.

4. Teach children to take responsibility for their feelings

No one makes anyone feel anything. It’s important for children to understand that although a situation might have triggered their anger, the cause of their anger is never the situation but a need of theirs that hasn’t been met. Help them understand that they need to become aware of and take responsibility for their needs and learn how to express them/request for them to be met. (Non-Violent Communication techniques can really help with this. Marshall Rosenberg’s book: ‘Non-violent communication. A language of life’ will give you a great introduction.)

5. Improve self-awareness and communication skills

A lot of anger in children is frustration that comes from the inability to be aware of and express their own needs. Mindfulness, non-violent communication and philosophy for children (P4C) are all great ways to improve these skills.

6. Be a good role model

Most importantly, show your child how to deal with anger by being a good role model. Don’t hide or suppress your own anger. Say that you are angry when you are angry and model self-awareness by explaining why you are angry. Explain the choices you are making as a result.

What do you do to help your child deal with anger?

How to Take Authority over Your Thoughts and Feelings.

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Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale

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Some people suggest that our thoughts and feelings are not actually true – that we made them up based on the conditioning we received and the interpretations we made, or even the belief that all of physical reality is perception and not actually the “truth.” What is real is our “Natural Self” ─ who we are behind the beliefs that lead to the feelings we all experience.

That said, what are we to do when we are “caught in the web” of a negative feeling – typically a result of an underlying belief associated with fear? We can’t run from it for sure, and no matter how hard we try to stop thinking or feeling what we are drowning in, there’s doesn’t seem to be a quick fix or extrication from the grasp of what our mind is telling us.

Personally speaking, extricating myself from those limiting beliefs has been a slow and difficult process, and only occurred over time as I challenged my negative thinking. I finally came to realize, however, that I was in charge of my thoughts and feelings, and could take authority over them. Rather than snap my fingers and have them go away, I still had to process through the experience I first created, enter into the feelings, release them, and create a new belief or interpretation to empower my actions.

I like to think of life in the way Timothy Gallwey explains how to play The Inner Game of Golf. He refers to the critic standing over our shoulder telling us how to hit the next shot, telling us what not to do, and then scolding us for doing it! To dispel the voice of this “intruder,” he suggests a number of action strategies to get us back in touch with our Natural Self ─ the one who hits the ball far better than the “self” who listens to the voice of our critic. This strategy has direct application to anything we do in life. By finding ways of getting back in the flow of being and doing that which is aligned with our authentic or Natural Self, we not only perform much better, but are far happier living life.

So, how do we change our story or shift our beliefs? Typically, these limiting beliefs have been with us a very long time, and they are probably embedded in our unconscious mind.

The first critical step to be mindful of is Awareness. As you become aware of negative thoughts having a field day in your mind (being directed by “the intruder”), try using various strategies to first interrupt the old story. Then start the new game of practicing doing this as often as needed, in order to diminish the power of and change the old belief.

Here are some strategies to interrupt “rut thinking” as soon as you become aware of having fallen into a hole:

Stand up, move about, take a walk, get physical.

Stop and engage the moment with a few breaths, and notice how your body feels.

Look up, look around, and notice where you are in the present  moment rather than being lost in thought or planning

After interrupting your pattern, you can then return to the situation and discover more clearly what is going on, the thoughts you were making up, and the feelings that resulted. Then begin the process of taking back your authority. Choose the thoughts you want to think by using thisSeven-Step Pivotal Technique to release and replace the false story you had been conditioned to make up:

1. Notice how you are feeling, how your body has reacted.

2. Experience the feeling as fully as you can. For five minutes try playing out the worst case scenario in your mind. Sorry, but this step is important. Personally, I breathe in the negativity and imagine it entering every cell of my body, and I have not died from the fear yet!

3. Surrender to the Universe ─ an all powerful loving Source. Feel the gift of this love coming your way. Ask for assistance in releasing the old unwanted pattern; then take a few deep breaths, and let go. (Some call this “Casting the burden.”)

4. Now determine whether your feeling/belief is actually true. What is the information you have to base your decision on?

5.  Notice how the old belief felt absolutely real, although it was probably not actually true. Claim this as a mantra anytime you are confronted by experiencing an old limiting belief: “real, but not true!”

6. Take authority over your thoughts, decisions, and choices, and create a new empowering belief. (If the old belief led to a limiting outcome or disappointment, consider how the new belief will create just the opposite. Imagine a new end result, with an inspired feeling, in the present moment of Now! This practice will let the Universe get busy and start creating the possibilities into which you will step and act to manifest the new result you want!)

7. Experience a moment of deep gratitude, then get active, and move on!

One of the interesting facts of life is that we sometimes pay little attention to the facts of life! So, rather than believing what you are thinking is actually true, check it out! It may just be that by noticing the actual truth, leaving negativity behind becomes a lot easier.

 

Source: Purpose Fairy

5 Ways to Overcome the Imposter Syndrome.

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We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

According to Wikipedia, the impostor syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be.

Some ‘symptoms’ of Impostor Syndrome include:

Worrying that at any moment someone will ‘find you out’ and you’ll be fired or made to leave a group because you’re a fraud.

Believing that when people praise you, they’re just being nice or they feel they have to say good things about you.

Feeling that people with the same job title as you are more responsible or better at their job than you.

Not taking up new responsibilities, projects or stepping towards your dreams because you’ve already convinced yourself you’re unworthy or fail at everything.

Being unusually sensitive to constructive criticism.

If any of these look familiar to you, use these 5 tips to build yourself up and own your magnificence:

1)   Take out your CV and write down all the things you’ve achieved- qualifications, promotions, successful marketing strategies, helping students, etc.

2)   Now imagine you have to write a ‘life CV’- what are you really proud of? Your children, your husband, your gardening skills, your sense of humour, trying to eat healthily…you are incredible, go for it.

3)   Reserve a day or afternoon to yourself- switch your phone off and really treat yourself. Have a massage, go and try on dresses with no intention of buying them or have lunch alone in a beautiful restaurant. You deserve it and yes, you deserve all the good feelings that come with it.

4)   For goodness sakes, let go of the need to compare yourself to other people. It’s a huge waste of energy. You are never going to be that person, and you are better and more fabulous as you. Just concentrate on being grateful that you’re so flipping fantastic.

5)   Ask a close friend to write a list of 10 reasons they they’re friends with you (and no, they’re not doing it just to be nice!)

If you’ve been nodding your head all the way through this article and you feel as if something has clicked, I’ll let you into a little secret. You are not alone. You are not alone in feeling like this- it is incredibly common. Many people know the feeling, but not many people share the feeling.

Use your fear and turn it into love. Love for yourself, love for others, love for your life. Love your Fear– you are worthy and truly deserving