Playing is crucial for enhancing a toddler’s brain development, according to a leading child development expert. Drawing from recent discoveries in neuroscience and child development, Dr. Jacqueline Harding, an authority on early childhood from Middlesex University, explains that a child’s brain not only desires play but flourishes because of it.
“It seems that the young child’s body and brain are literally designed to be playful, and this is crucial for its development,” explains Dr. Harding in a media release. “At this very moment, his brain also starts to ‘jump’ and light up with joy as connections between neurons make impressive progress. Does this experience count as learning? Absolutely yes.”
In her new book, “The Brain that Loves to Play,” Dr. Harding blurs the traditional lines separating play and learning. She emphasizes play’s pivotal role in early education and the overall growth of a child. The book serves as a contribution to the evolving conversation on the care, education, and parenting of children from birth to five years-old.
According to the researcher, the neural pathways stimulated by play, particularly before age six, have a profound and enduring influence on a child’s future possibilities. She warns against straying from a child’s natural inclination to play, suggesting that it could rob them of essential learning experiences and growth opportunities.
“The young child’s brain and body are intrinsically designed for play. Children are naturally wired to play and any sustained deviation from this masterful design comes at a price,” Dr. Harding emphasizes.
The book also counters the longstanding perception of play as mere child’s recreation. Instead, she champions a comprehensive approach, recognizing play as a core element of child development. Additionally, Harding addresses the hurdles posed by the COVID pandemic, particularly its long-term effects on child mental health.
“As we emerge from a pandemic which has significantly impacted all our lives, there can be no better place to begin than considering how we can rewrite the narrative through support in the early years,” says Harding.
The book doesn’t claim to be a comprehensive account of scientific research. Instead, it’s a hands-on guide for adults keen on grasping the significance of play in the development of young children.
“It is my belief that a greater awareness of how we can support children is vital for all who care for young children,” Dr. Harding concludes.
Parenting tips for dealing with 4-year-olds require a lot of patience and effective communication. These ideas include making eye contact, giving immediate consequences, being consistent, keeping it simple, staying calm, and others.
It’s a common refrain from parents, “My preschooler just doesn’t listen.” Four-year-olds are active and interested in the world around them. They need to explore and try new things, so it’s common for children this age to test limits and it can seem as if they are not listening to mom and dad.
Before determining that a child truly isn’t listening, it’s important to ensure that medical conditions that could affect a child’s hearing or comprehension have been ruled out. As long as a doctor says nothing is going on that could affect a child’s ability to listen, pay attention, or comprehend, consider what “not listening” means.
Sometimes, “not listening” does mean the child is ignoring you, but other times the child may simply be tired, hungry, or not feeling well and they do not yet have the language skills to effectively communicate their feelings and needs. Children may appear to be ignoring parents when they are actually frustrated, perhaps with their siblings, bedtime, or chores. Children this age don’t always know how to handle everything they are experiencing.
Children may also choose not to listen as a way to assert power and express a need for more control and decision-making abilities in their lives. Of course, a 4-year-old can’t always make decisions for themselves, but sometimes parents can allow the child choices to help them learn to think critically and feel they have more control.
Discipline is not the same as punishment or spanking. It’s about setting rules and boundaries to keep children safe or to learn appropriate behaviors. It involves following through on consequences when the child breaks the rules.
Here are some tips to discipline preschoolers who don’t listen:
Make eye contact
Get on their level and look them in the eye
This helps strengthen communication
Never ask something more than twice
Ask once nicely: “Please put your toys away.”
Ask a second time, and warn of a negative consequence if your child doesn’t listen: “I asked you to please put your toys away. If you haven’t done it by the time I count to five, you will not be able to play with them again until tomorrow.”
Apply the negative consequence, if necessary
Pick your battles
If you say, “no” all the time, the child will tune you out
Determine what is important to you, set realistic limits, and follow through with appropriate consequences
Know your child’s triggers
Sometimes you know what will trigger unwanted behaviors and if you can anticipate it, you can often prevent it
For example, if your 4-year-old grabs cereal boxes off the store shelves, bring a toy to keep her occupied
Practice prevention
When children are hungry, frustrated, or overtired, they may act out
If you know they are happy in the morning but cranky in the afternoon, schedule trips to the store or doctor appointments for times the child is in a better frame of mind
Also, explain what will be happening so the child feels prepared
Be consistent
Don’t send mixed signals
Keep rules the same and respond the same way when they misbehave
It may take several tries over time (there is no set number of times a child will need to experience a consequence before changing behaviors — every child is different)
Don’t lose your resolve just because your child acts cute or clever
Don’t get emotional
They will only sense your mood and won’t listen to what you say
If you scream in anger, you show children how to react with anger
Count to three, calm yourself, and be serious, quick, and firm when you deliver the reprimand
Listen and repeat
Repeat your child’s concerns when possible so your child feels heard
This can reduce anger
Keep it brief and simple
Be concise and don’t turn a five-second answer into a five-minute lecture
Preschoolers don’t have the attention span
Simply state what needs to be done and consequences if it is not
Make sure they understand what you said
Ask your child to repeat back what you said
Often, children simply misunderstand or forget what is asked of them
Repeating what you say can help improve communication
Offer choices
Often a child will refuse to do something because it’s a control issue
Offer a limited set of choices so the child feels some control
Choices should be specific and acceptable to you
For example, instead of telling the child to clean her room, offer her the choice, “Would you like to pick up your toys or your clothes first?”
Make an observation
When the child does something they should not, such as leaving their toys on the floor, instead of reprimanding them, simply observe, “I notice your toys are on the floor.”
This gives the child the opportunity to let you know they will pick them up and then you can thank them for their good behavior
Watch your words
Turn “you” messages into “I” messages
Instead of, “You’re acting selfishly,” try, “I like it when I see you share your toys with your friends.”
Tell your child what to DO instead of “don’t”
Children constantly hear “don’t do this or that,” which is a negative command
It makes the child wonder what they should NOT do, as well as what they should do instead
For example, instead of, “Don’t leave your toys on the floor,” try, “Please put your toys in the toy box.”
Teach empathy
Preschoolers don’t always understand why they shouldn’t do something they think is fun, such as hitting, biting, or taking toys from others
Explain, “When you take your friend’s toy, they feel sad,” to help the child understand how their behaviors affect others and train them to think about consequences
Use a time-out
If reprimands, redirection, and loss of privileges do not stop your child from repeating the unwanted behavior, try a time-out
First give a stern warning that a time-out is the consequence if they do not change the behavior
If they still do not listen, explain to the child why this behavior is unacceptable, and then put them in a time-out
A general rule of thumb is time-outs should be about 1 minute per year of age
Time-outs should be in a distraction-free area (no TV or toys) and parents should not give the child any attention, such as talking or even eye contact
When the time-out is over, ask the child to apologize and give a hug to show you are not angry
Most preschoolers don’t like being separated from their parents and toys and eventually the threat of a time-out is enough to stop the unwanted behavior
Offer options to express emotions
If a child is frustrated, offer for them to hit a pillow
This can help children learn that his emotions are ok, but there are appropriate ways of expressing them
Reward good behavior
Notice when they are being good
Encourage your child when they exhibit the behaviors you want to see more of
Using special rewards can incentivize good behavior
For example, a child can get a star when they behave, and a certain number of stars will get them a small reward such as a book or toy
Look for reasons to say, “Yes”
Children hear, “No,” all the time and it may cause them to stop listening to your requests, since theirs are dismissed
Of course, it is necessary to say no sometimes, but try to say yes when it’s reasonable, for example, instead of saying, “No, we can’t go to the playground today,” try, “The playground sounds fun. Would you like to go after school tomorrow or on Saturday?”
Say “thank you” in advance
Encourage good behavior by acting as if you expect it, for example, “Thank you for putting your toys away,” rather than, “You’d better not leave your toys on the floor!”
Children often rise to meet expectations when they are reasonable and framed positively
Stay positive
You will inevitably be frustrated from time to time
If children hear this frustration, they may not have a positive image of you and will repeat the unwanted behavior
If you need to talk, turn to another adult such as your partner, your child’s pediatrician, a trusted friend, or a therapist