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Witnessing hateful people in pain modulates brain activity in regions associated with physical pain and reward.

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How does witnessing a hateful person in pain compare to witnessing a likable person in pain? The current study compared the brain bases for how we perceive likable people in pain with those of viewing hateful people in pain. While social bonds are built through sharing the plight and pain of others in the name of empathy, viewing a hateful person in pain also has many potential ramifications. In this functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) study, Caucasian Jewish male participants viewed videos of (1) disliked, hateful, anti-Semitic individuals, and (2) liked, non-hateful, tolerant individuals in pain. The results showed that, compared with viewing liked people, viewing hateful people in pain elicited increased responses in regions associated with observation of physical pain (the insular cortex, the anterior cingulate cortex, and the somatosensory cortex), reward processing (the striatum), and frontal regions associated with emotion regulation. Functional connectivity analyses revealed connections between seed regions in the left anterior cingulate cortex and right insular cortex with reward regions, the amygdala, and frontal regions associated with emotion regulation. These data indicate that regions of the brain active while viewing someone in pain may be more active in response to the danger or threat posed by witnessing the pain of a hateful individual more so than the desire to empathize with a likable person’s pain.

 

5 Ways to Creating Genuine Human Connections.

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A person’s worth is not defined by their job, it’s defined by how kind their soul is.  ~Tejal Patel of Astitva Seekers

In the past year, I changed my role as a practicing attorney to small business owner of a banquet facility called The Washington.  Though I have attended events, planned parties and dined at restaurants, this is my first experience managing a catering and event planning business.

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Providing impeccable service and food is the foundation of our business. No matter what our intentions, if we didn’t have a server team that followed our philosophy, our vision wouldn’t be carried through.  I spent a lot of time building a server team who fits with our philosophy of providing, kind, courteous and helpful service to our guests. This was no easy task.

During some of the events, I was appalled to see how some of my best servers were treated by the guests. Orders were barked at them, no please or thank you’s and I heard some people make rude comments based on how my servers looked.

My servers are mothers, fathers, teachers, business owners, or college graduates struggling to find a job in this economy. A lot of them have full time jobs and do this for extra cash. Some of them are people who we personally know, who have full time careers but help us in a bind when we are short staffed. At their regular jobs, they aren’t treated as poorly.

Watching hardworking and kind people being treated in a rude manner had me question…

What happened to simple and kind human connections?

We talk on our cell-phone when placing an order at our coffee shop or fast food joint. It’s as if we don’t have five seconds to give the person servicing us our undivided attention. We don’t make eye contact with cashiers, bellboys or servers. We allow our children to talk down to the receptionist or secretary but talk with the utmost professionalism with the doctor/boss. We don’t even feel comfortable smiling and sparking a conversation with the person living in your apartment building.

How did we become a society that associates a person’s worth based on the job they have, how much money they make or how they look?

Make it your daily mantra to find ways to Spread Love and Connect to everyone you meet during the day. ~Tejal Patel of Astitva Seekers

After seeing how my staff was being treated, it opened my eyes on how I have been disconnected and judging those around me. I made a conscious effort to wake up each morning with the mission to spread love and kindness to all those I meet.

How to Create Connection:

1. Remember the manners your Momma taught you

When someone is providing you a service or is helping you, don’t forget your manners. Make sure you are giving them your undivided attention at that moment, actively listen and remember those please and thank you!

2. Look everyone in the eyes when you speak to them

We need to stop dehumanizing people and take a moment to look them in the eyes when interacting with them. You may realize how many of us feel uncomfortable looking others in the eyes.

The eyes are the windows of the soul. It is hard to judge someone based on external factors like their job and how they look if we are focusing on their eyes and the radiance and life that shines through. We can connect to people on a whole new level when we appreciate that we are all equal not superior or inferior to anyone.

3. If you appreciated what someone did for you, let them know

If you appreciate someone’s service or kindness, make it your intention to tell them. If your server did a remarkable job give them a good tip AND tell their manager. So many times we take for granted when someone does something nice for us or they go above and beyond what they should do. Go beyond the “Thank You” and really express how their actions made you feel. Knowing you made an impression on someone makes that person want to continue to be kind. By you acknowledging their positive qualities you’ll feel amazing and want to be a better person as well. It will begin a circle of kindness and spreading love!

4. If someone gives bad service, don’t react with negativity, stay calm

Its easy to be kind to people who are nice to you. The real challenge comes when people are rude and give you bad service. When dealing with a bitter person ask:

If you knew what someone was going through in their life would you treat them differently?

We don’t know what’s happening in others life for them to react the way they do. Don’t take the rudeness of others personally. Their actions has everything to do with their own unhappiness which they are projecting to others. There were days that you weren’t having the best day and might have treated people poorly. Don’t justify your poor behavior based on how someone else reacts. The most difficult people need the most kindness to break their pain. Be compassionate to someone who you don’t think deserves it. Not only will you help them, your peace of mind and compassion grows with each kind act.

5. Learn to say hi and smile at strangers

You would be surprised how much it warms your heart to receive a kind smile from an unknown person. It’s almost as good as getting attention from the person you have a crush on. You feel connected and one with them at that moment. You share that moment with someone you don’t know.

We tend to be caught in our mind, look down and pretend not to see others. Look up, smile and embrace the people passing you by. I’ve had some pretty amazing moments with strangers by simply feeling their warmth and smile of their kind hello. It does marvels for your day and helps you grow the feeling of connection with others.

My experience of owning a banquet hall opened my eyes to the importance of connecting not only with your family and friends, but also strangers and people serving you. Whether we know someone for 30 seconds or 70 years, make an effort to kindly and compassionately connect to every person who is present in your life.

Source: Purpose Fairy

 

How to Improve Your Virtual Communication Skills.

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Healthy communication is the cornerstone of cultivating and sustaining healthy relationships. We connect and express ourselves through the spoken and written word, which ultimately allows us to develop our “voice” in the world.

How well you communicate directly correlates with how understood and heard you feel by the response you receive from the other end of the dialogue.

When it comes to communicating through text or email, the rules and guidelines for good communication don’t change. The integrity of your words should remain the same, and all the skills and etiquette you would apply in real life need to be applied.

Words are powerful with or without voice, and it’s even more important to be clear when tone is absent. Words are vulnerable to being twisted and misconstrued when they lack intonation, and human expression.

How many times have you sent an email or text to someone only to find that they have completely misinterpreted or misread what you were trying to say? Your correspondence with others reflects your ability to express yourself in real time, so if you struggle with getting your point across in general, you will most likely bump into obstacles when trying to do it through the written word.

Whether you are writing a work email, communicating with your Ex about something uncomfortable, or responding to a difficult situation, here are 5 skills to help you draft better correspondence.

These are skills that work both on and off the computer or smart phone, and should be applied in any conversation that requires a delicate touch.

1. Make sure your intention is clear

In any correspondence you always want to make your intention clear. There is usually one point you want to get across, but if you just let your words flow without much reflection you are bound to step into a landmine. Before you even start drafting clarify your ultimate intention. Is it to get the person to do something? Are you looking for an answer or response? Do you want an apology? Knowing what you are hoping to get will increase your chances of actually achieving that goal. Asking, “what is my intention?” is a good practice before beginning any conversation.

2. Establish boundaries

Believe it or not, boundaries can be conveyed as much through written word as they can in person. A boundary is a clear line defining what you are willing to accept or tolerate, and what is too much. Boundaries are conveyed through language like “I can’t allow you to…” or “I cannot accept the fact that…”

Boundaries can also come from your strong belief in how you feel. This is different then needing to be right, it’s more about being very clear that your experience is valid and true for you. This works when you are being accused of something, or blamed for something you don’t feel you did. A response to this might look something like “I appreciate your perspective, but I am confident that this isn’t true for me…”

3. Empathy

Using language that conveys a sense of empathy in your correspondence is always a good practice. Everyone wants to feel acknowledged and understood on some level, so you will need to pause and understand where the other person is coming from. Even if you don’t agree, it’s always a good idea to say that you can understand why or how they see things the way they do, and to let them know that you understand their position on the issues at hand.

Empathy is diffuser in communication, and it can calm even the most upset person. Look at it like a virtual hug. Empathy is contagious, and it’s hard to respond to it in a negative way.

4. Accountability

In any two-way conversation there are always two opinions, two perspectives and two subjective experiences. It’s rarely always the other person. Being accountable to how you might have contributed to the breakdown of what is happening, or acknowledging that you didn’t communicate well is a great habit to develop. Stepping back and asking yourself how you could have done things differently will help you clarify your point as well. Simply writing something like “I recognize that I have some responsibility in this situation…” opens up space for the other person to do the same.

5. Always maintain integrity

The written word can be as much a trigger as speaking with someone in person. There are some situations where even the most skillfully drafted communication will still ignite a negative response from the other party. If you are dealing with verbal attacks, and you know you aren’t going to get anywhere step out of the power struggle and end it with integrity. This is a graceful exit without being pulled down to the other person’s level.

Stepping out requires letting go of needing to feel validated or heard, and accepting that this person simply cannot engage on a healthy and productive level. This is a great practice in both virtual and real life because it shows you that you are always in control of how you feel, and how you respond.

Source: Purpose fairy