betrayal

12 Healthy Ways to Deal with Betrayal

Posted by

0


12 Healthy Ways to Deal with Betrayal“Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime. It’s what unites us. The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens. Don’t let them take that from you.” ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

We have all been betrayed at least once in our lives. It is more often than not by someone really close to you. Think mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, best friend or workmate. It hurts. There is no denying it. When you don’t deal with it effectively, it kills you. Slowly and insidiously and goes on to affect all spheres of your life in ways you could not have imagined.

Just like a wound that takes time to heal, so too with betrayal. The initial feelings of hurt, pain and despair will feel like they will never end. However, over time, as you work through the pain, it will become less and one day you will be able to put it behind you. You may not forget it ever, but it will not hold you captive for life.

To that end, here are 12 healthy ways that will help you deal with betrayal.

1. Acknowledge that you’ve been betrayed

You have been hurt. Someone has purposefully put you in the line of fire and let you get shot. You cannot ignore it. Whether intentional or not, this person hurt you. They put you in a position of disbelief, hurt, pain and confusion. Acknowledge it for what it is. Someone broke the trust you had and it’s going to take time to get over it and forgive them.

2. Get angry

There are many emotions one goes through when they find out that they have been betrayed. These range from anger to depression, hurt and wanting to avenge oneself. Probably one of the most prominent emotions you will feel will be anger. Anger because they did you like this. Anger because you trusted them. Anger because it was uncalled for. Anger because you have another problem to deal with in life. Anger because your emotional state is anything but OK. Anger because you loved this person but they did you like this. Be angry. It’s human, necessary and it will run its course.

“Generally speaking, if a human being never shows anger, then I think something’s wrong. He’s not right in the brain.” ~ Dalai Lama

3. Act out

Psychologists often tell parents of kids who have undergone especially traumatic experiences to let them act out in whatever way they can in order to deal with the trauma they are facing. Acting out could be drinking, smoking, oversleeping, reckless behavior, crying all the time or being mute. Granted, none of these things, save for sleeping and crying, are good for the human body, but in some ways, acting out helps one to deal with the issues at hand. Sometimes acting out could be as simple as staying at home and mourning your loss. It could be writing a hate letter or email and not sending it (please do not send it.) Or it could be hectic like going to a psychologist, help group or rehab. Act out in a safe way and find out from your doctor what safe is. Please.

4. Cry

Definitely number one my list of things to do when you are betrayed. Crying is one of the best ways to let out the emotions and frustrations building up in you. You cry when you’re happy, sad or angry. You can cry when you’re watching a cartoon like Frozen or a deep movie like The Help. You cry when you hurt yourself, scrape your knee or bang your little finger. You can cry on your wedding day, when your child is born or when your sister graduates Summa Cum Laude. You cry when you get involved in an accident, when your boyfriend breaks up with you, when you find someone broke your trust. Cry. It’s good for the healing process.

5. Sleep on it

Sleep is God’s greatest gift to mankind in my opinion. When you’re sad or overwhelmed by the world and its never-ending problems, you can sleep them away, so to speak. Sure, when you wake up, you’ll still have them glaring at you, but at least you’ll have the strength to deal with them. More than before you slept, that is. Having acknowledged the betrayal, been angry about it, cried, and acted out, you can now sleep on it. Hopefully when you wake up, you’ll have a clearer way of looking at the situation. Also, your body will be emotionally and physically spent after the four steps mentioned above so sleeping is the course of wisdom.

6. Sulk a bit

When you wake up, the feelings you felt before you slept may come rushing back, so you may sulk, naturally. Sulking is when you are in a mood of sorts and usually resort to silence. The people around you notice it and generally either leave you alone or try to get you out of it. If you explain beforehand that you’re going through some things, they may be kind and let you be. On the other hand, they may be nosey and try to get you to open up which will just make you digress. People are such enemies of progress. So sulk, be grumpy, broody, sullen and moose. Enjoy the silence.

7. Get your bearings right

After you have sulked your emotions away, you need to take positive action to move forward and actually deal with the situation. This involves getting your bearings straight. You now need a game plan. How are you going to confront the person? Will you confront them all? What damage control needs to be done? How has this affected your relationship with them and others? How costly has this betrayal been? Do you have a strong support system? What help will you need to recover? Rehab? Psychologist? Writing all this down and getting a trusted friend to help you with help you to do so.

8. Devise a plan to leave betrayal behind and move forward

Now that you know what you need to do and what damage needs to be fixed, you need a plan to execute it. Are you going to need a loan? Who can you ask to help you with it? Google has a lot of resources for helping you through a trying time like this. Make a note of things that need to be done first and work at them. One step at a time. Big things take priority then the smaller ones will come at the right time.

9. Get help

Do not underestimate the power of a good support system. It could be made up of as little as one person or as many as 10. Whatever the case, when you need the help, whether emotional, physical or social, you can get it. You just need to put your pride aside and avail yourself of it. Also, this means letting someone know that you need help. Usually, when you’re going through this, you’re going to be a rock, no emotions showing no one will know how to help you or if you need help unless you ask for help.

10. Confront the person

If it fails, at least you tried. If they are truly repentant, forgive and move on with your life. It can be really painful to do so. It’s almost like facing your fear again. For example, if you were hijacked, it’s like going back into the car and driving alone. Scary. But it can be done. It takes lots of prayer, breathing and confidence in oneself. Confronting the person gives you peace of mind because you get it off your chest and make them aware of how you felt about what they did. You also get to hear their side of the story. Whether or not it’s feasible is another story. In any case, confront the other person for your peace of mind.

11. Remove yourself from that toxic space/person

In some cases, you physically have to remove yourself from this person. If it turns out this person sold your secrets to Google for $75 million dollars, they do not need to be in your space. Other times, this is not possible. You need to detach yourself from them socially and emotionally. You may still greet them and even engage in small talk, but you won’t be buddy buddy, going for spa treatments or movie nights. You will keep your space and they should respect that. They hurt you after all.

12. Don’t let it happen again

This is probably the hardest one because it could mean one of many things. It could mean cutting the person out of your life forever. It could mean ignoring the fact that it happened. It could mean living a paranoid life of not allowing yourself to get hurt by anyone. It is not possible. It means not letting yourself get consumed by the feelings associated with betrayal. It means dealing with them better each time it happens. Sad to say, betrayal won’t end as long as we’re imperfect.

Hope these tips help. Do you have any tips that help with dealing with betrayal effectively? If you do, you can share them in the comment section below 🙂

How To Become the Unique and Wonderful Being You Were Born to Be.

Posted by

0


 

How To Become the Unique and Wonderful Being You Were Born to Be“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” ~ Viktor E. Frankl
What I will share with you today are 9 ways to becoming the unique and wonderful being you were born to be so that you can live your life from a place of love, authenticity and real power. Enjoy.

How To Become the Unique and Wonderful Being You Were Born to Be

1. Let yourself fall apart
Just as you can’t build a new house on top of an old one, so you can’t build a new life by holding onto the old one. Let it all fall apart. Let yourself fall apart, let the old you die and allow the new you, the real you to be born again. Let yourself be born again.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

2. Choose temporary discomfort over long term resentment
“It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.” ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation

Way too many people live their lives according to how everyone around them expects them to live and in this process of trying to please everyone except themselves, they end up losing their own identity. They forget who they are and they become whatever the world wants them to be.

It seems to me that we would rather betray ourselves, our own needs and desires than bear the accusation of betrayal from those around us.

Why choose resentment over temporary discomfort? Why be a people pleaser when you can simply be yourself and have people love and appreciate you for being authentic?

You are not responsible for pleasing everyone around you happy but you surely are responsible for pleasing and making sure that you yourself are happy

Learn to say “NO” when you feel like saying “NO” and YES” ONLY when you feel like saying “YES”. Choose temporary discomfort over long term resentment and in time more and more people will respect you because of this.

3. Let yourself be truly seen
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” ~ Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

In a world where most people live their lives on auto pilot, wearing all kind of masks and costumes and pretending to be whatever everyone else expects them to be, dare to be different. Dare to be the unique and wonderful being you were born to be. Dare to stand out and stand apart. Don’t betray who you truly are just because so many people are already doing it. Don’t betray your own soul just so you can fit it. Always remember that an original is worth a lot more than a copy.

Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself be truly seen. Tear down all the walls you have built between you and the world around you. Keep the door to your heart wide open and allow LOVE to flow in and out of your life. Pour LOVE into your own Self, your relationships, your home, your work, your planet and everything you do. Remove all your masks and costumes. Let go of fear, denial, suppression, and what’s most important, let go of pretending and living your life according to other people’s expectations. Embrace your authenticity and start living life your OWN way!

4. Pay no attention to the critics
The moment you start living life in a way that feels right to you, saying “no” to others just so you can say “yes” to yourself, you will encounter a lot of resistance and a lot of criticism from those around you. People who are “allergic” to change seem to also be “allergic” to those who dare to embrace change.

No matter how hard those around you will try to convince you to get back in horde and no matter how harshly they will criticize you, don’t go back to pretending. Don’t go back to betraying your own self just so you can please them. Don’t do it. Stay true to yourself. You want people to love you for who you truly are and for who they expect you to be.

Learn not to take their criticism personally. Keep in mind that what others say about you has little or nothing to do with you but a lot to do with who they are. People give to others what they have to offer to themselves and those who have little or no love for themselves will be very harsh on those who do.

5. Build your self worth from within
Take a few moments right now to reconnect with that part of you who knows that You are Enough! Place your hands over your heart, take a deep cleansing breath, and repeat these words to yourself:

“In this moment I am enough, I know enough, I have enough.

I love and accept myself fully, for who I am, and for who I am not.

I am perfect just the way I am.

I don’t need other people’s approval to feel whole and complete.

I am a beautiful creation, a work in progress.

I alone Am Enough! I Am Enough!

If you go around begging for approval, looking for love and validation outside of you, you will be very unhappy and you continue to be at the mercy of the people you are begging love and approval from. Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself. Don’t let other people tell you how much you’re worth, decide for yourself. It’s called self worth not others worth.

6. Embrace your dark side
In his book, Psychology and Religion, Carl Jung talks about how each and every one of us has a dark side, hidden shadows that we project onto the world, “Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected. ”

We all have a dark side. There’s nothing to be ashamed about and those who repress and isolate this side of them simply because they perceive it as being bad and shameful, never get to discover how powerful they can become by accepting and embracing their shadows instead of resisting and rejecting them.

What you are against you strengthen and what you resist persists and that’s exactly why accepting, embracing and making peace with your dark side will help heal and bring light to this part of you that it’s in need of so much healing.

Make peace with your dark side. Embrace all that you are and work on healing your hidden wounds and past hurts by replacing shame, guilt and resentment with acceptance, love and compassion. Love your dark side until it becomes your bright side!

7. When the time comes to let go, let go!
“We need to find the courage to say no to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” ~ Barbara de Angelis

Free yourself from all the drama, from all that negativity and from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Drop the heavy weights you have been carrying on your shoulders.

Let go of the past. Travel light. Let yourself breathe. Let go of old thoughts that no longer serve you; limiting beliefs that keep you stuck; fears that get in the way of you loving yourself and your life, and what’s most important, let go of meaningless friendships and toxic relationships. Let them all go and you will be free to become the wonderful being you were born to be.

8. Commit to AUTHENTICITY
“In a world where you can be anything, be yourself” ~ Etta Turner

Don’t be a copy of everyone else. Be the unique individual you were born to be. The world needs you for YOU and not for who you pretend to be. Be an example for your children, your family, your friends and for the world you live in. Be authentic. Be real. Don’t trim yourself to suit everyone else. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t settle for way less than you are worth. Commit to authenticity. Commit to living your life from a place of love, authenticity and real power. Don’t let the world around you trick you into thinking that a copy is worth a lot more than an original, because it’s not!

9. Dare greatly
Some of the most powerful words that have ever been spoken came from Jesus who wanted us to know that “Even the least among you can do all that I have done, and greater things.” but also “if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

If there are no limits to what we can achieve and if it’s true that we can create even greater things than Jesus did, why not dare greatly? Why limit yourself? Why sell yourself short? Why settle for way less than you are actually worth?

No matter what life’s path is and no matter what your calling might be, commit to doing it all with great passion, dedication and great love. Create and offer great value through your work and life will make sure that your work will be highly appreciated and deeply compensated.

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Why do you think it’s so hard for people to give up living their lives according to other people’s expectations and start living their lives their own way instead? Why do you think so many people are afraid to be themselves unapologetically?

I really want to know what are your thoughts on this. You can share your insights by joining the conversation below.