Summary: Happiness can indeed be learned through courses like their ‘Science of Happiness’, which educates students on evidence-informed habits for well-being. However, a follow-up study indicates that the initial boost in well-being requires sustained effort and continued practice of these habits, such as gratitude and meditation, to maintain long-term benefits.
This study underscores the importance of actively working on mental health, akin to maintaining physical fitness, challenging the prevailing ‘self-care’ narrative by emphasizing outward-focused activities.
Key Facts:
Learning Happiness: The ‘Science of Happiness’ course at the University of Bristol, launched in 2018, demonstrates that educational programs based on scientific research can significantly improve well-being.
Sustaining Well-being: Long-term improvements in happiness are contingent on the consistent application of positive psychology interventions learned during the course.
Research Findings: This is the first study to longitudinally assess the well-being of students who have taken a happiness course, highlighting the necessity of ongoing mental health practices.
Source: University of Bristol
We can learn to be happy, but only get lasting benefits if we keep practising, a first-of-its-kind study has revealed.
The team behind the University of Bristol’s ‘Science of Happiness’ course had already discovered that teaching students the latest scientific studies on happiness created a marked improvement in their wellbeing.
But their latest study found that these wellbeing boosts are short-lived unless the evidence-informed habits learnt on the course – such as gratitude, exercise, meditation or journaling – are kept up over the long-term.
“Much of what we teach revolves around positive psychology interventions that divert your attention away from yourself, by helping others, being with friends, gratitude or meditating.”
Senior author Prof Bruce Hood said: “It’s like going to the gym – we can’t expect to do one class and be fit forever. Just as with physical health, we have to continuously work on our mental health, otherwise the improvements are temporary.”
Launched in 2018, the University of Bristol’s Science of Happiness course was the first of its kind in the UK. It involves no exams or coursework, and teaches students what the latest peer-reviewed studies in psychology and neuroscience say really makes us happy.
Students who took the course reported a 10 to 15% improvement in wellbeing. But only those who continued implementing the course learnings maintained that improved wellbeing when they were surveyed again two years on.
Published in the journal Higher Education, is the first to track wellbeing of students on a happiness course long after they have left the course.
Prof Hood said: “This study shows that just doing a course – be that at the gym, a meditation retreat or on an evidence-based happiness course like ours – is just the start: you must commit to using what you learn on a regular basis.
“Much of what we teach revolves around positive psychology interventions that divert your attention away from yourself, by helping others, being with friends, gratitude or meditating.
“This is the opposite of the current ‘selfcare’ doctrine, but countless studies have shown that getting out of our own heads helps gets us away from negative ruminations which can be the basis of so many mental health problems.”
Prof Hood has distilled the Science of Happiness course into a new book, out on March 10. ‘The Science of Happiness: Seven Lessons for Living Well’ reveals an evidence-informed roadmap to better wellbeing.
The other paper authors are fellow University of Bristol academics Catherine Hobbs and Sarah Jelbert, and Laurie R Santos, a Yale academic whose course inspired Bristol’s Science of Happiness course.
Surprising take aways from the Science of Happiness course include:
Talking to strangers makes us happier, despite a majority of us shying away from such encounters.
Social media is not bad for everyone, but it can be bad for those who focus on their reputation.
Loneliness impacts on our health by impairing our immune systems.
Optimism increases life expectancy.
Giving gifts to others activates the reward centres in our brain – often providing more of a happiness boost than spending money on oneself.
Sleep deprivation impacts on how well we are liked by others.
Walking in nature deactivates part of the brain related to negative ruminations, which are associated with depression.
Are you so tired that you can’t move a muscle? Do you drag yourself out of bed to get to work in the morning? Does your 8-hour shift feel like 80? Burnout is a kind of work-related stress characterized by three specific things. The first is a feeling that you’re exhausted — both emotionally and physically.
You’re Turning Cynical
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The second thing that characterizes burnout is cynicism — a lack of interest in work that can be negative or even callous. Exhaustion often leads to it.
You’re Feeling Useless
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The third burnout pillar is a sense of incompetence, a feeling that you just can’t be effective. It leads to a lack of accomplishment and productivity. Sometimes, that feeling seems to be a result of the other two tent poles of burnout — exhaustion and cynicism. Other times, all three come down on you at once.
You’re Depressed
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If you’re exhausted, cynical, and feeling useless, it’s no wonder that depression can set in.
Research shows burnout is mainly a job thing, while depression is a whole-life thing that can include your job. But they’re connected. Studies show that if you’re prone to depression, you’re more vulnerable to burnout.
You Hate Your Job
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Studies show that job dissatisfaction is one of several side effects (along with things like absenteeism and many physical ailments) of burnout.
Everything Gets Under Your Skin
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If the stresses of your job get to be too much or if you turn irritable with your co-workers (or, worse, customers or clients), burnout might be the culprit. It can get worse, too: Outright anger is another sign your job might be burning you out.
Your Mind Wanders
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Trouble concentrating is one of the mental signs (along with things like forgetfulness) that could tell you burnout is approaching. Some studies suggest more than 100 symptoms for it. They include motivational symptoms like disillusionment and a loss of idealism.
Sleep Is Tough to Get
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Some studies link trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep to burnout (though other studies don’t find a clear connection). Don’t fool around with sleep problems. If you don’t get enough sleep, it can bring higher chances of heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, and kidney disease.
Another Headache?
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Herbert Freudenberger, the psychologist who coined the concept of burnout in 1974, cited frequent headaches as a physical characteristic of the disorder. Like sleep problems, this isn’t scientifically settled.
That Pain in Your Gut
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That stomach and bowel pain you have might have to do with burnout, too. It and the stress that can come with it can weaken your immune system. That might explain the problems with your tummy.
Drinks, Drugs, and Other Comforts
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Using food, alcohol, or drugs to feel better may be a symptom of job burnout. This can be serious. Obesity, or alcohol and drug misuse, can lead to all sorts of health problems.
Burnout and Blood Pressure
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If your blood pressure is up, your job might have something to do with it. Along with that, you might get a quicker heartbeat, too. Neither is good for you. They could damage not only your heart but your brain and your kidneys, too.
Thirsty? Vision Blurred?
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Being overly thirsty and having blurred vision are two signs of diabetes. Burnout may raise your chances of type 2 diabetes. If you’re showing these or other symptoms of diabetes — and you’re having problems at work that might be related to burnout — the two might be tied. Let you doctor know if you are having any increased thirst and get medical help right away for any vision changes.
The Sick Days Are Piling Up
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Research has found that burnout can trigger both absenteeism and presenteeism (which means coming to work even when you’re sick). And it works the other way. All those sick days and feeling crummy while you’re at work can lead to more burnout.
Do you feel constantly on edge for no particular reason? As if your brain is willing to worry about anything and everything? You may have what experts refer to as free-floating anxiety.
The American Psychological Association defines free-floating anxiety as “a diffuse, chronic sense of uneasiness and apprehension not directed toward any specific situation or object.”
To put it another way, you might simply feel worried, nervous, and fearful for no clear reason. Since these feelings tend to emerge without warning, instead of in response to a specific trigger, you might find it tough to predict or manage them.
Free-floating anxiety is the hallmark symptom of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). An estimated 5.7 percent of people will develop GAD at some point in life, according to a 2021 study. But you can also experience free-floating anxiety even if you don’t have GAD or any other mental health diagnosis.
Read on to learn more about free-floating anxiety, including signs and possible causes. You’ll also find a few coping tips and guidance on getting professional support.
First, a quick refresher on the difference between anxiety and fear.
Fear is reactive. It prompts a fight-or-flight response to a present threat. Anxiety, on the other hand, is proactive. It leads you to worry about a potential threat in the future.
In theory, anything could happen in the future. While certain things may not be probable, they’re still quite possible. This makes it much easier to feel anxious about, well, practically everything. And of course, the future always remains in the distance — so anxiety tends to last much longer than fear, which tends to resolve once the threat has passed.
Anxiety can involve a range of symptoms beyond nervousness, worry, and fear. Some of the main emotional and physical signs of free-floating anxiety include:
unexplained stomach pain or discomfort, including nausea and diarrhea
Free-floating anxiety differs from other types of anxiety because it “floats” from subject to subject. Other types of anxiety have a specific target. A few examples:
Health anxiety involves worries about getting sick. You may fret about whether a change in your body suggests a serious illness, for example.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder can involve a wide range of recurring, unwanted thoughts and worries, though the object of the anxiety can vary from person to person. Germs, danger, and disarray are common subjects.
Phobias can include both anxiety and extreme fear related to the subject of your phobia. It’s possible to have a phobia of just about anything, but you’ll find some common ones here.
Separation anxiety involves extreme fear around being separated from a loved one.
Social anxiety involves worries about social rejection and negative judgment from others.
Of course, these conditions aren’t mutually exclusive. You can have GAD and another anxiety disorder at the same time.
So, what causes someone to develop free-floating anxiety? More often than not, a number of factors can play a part.
Genetics
Anxiety can be inherited, and multiple genes can predispose you to anxiety. If you have parents with GAD, 2017 researchTrusted Source suggests you’re more than twice as likely to develop the condition yourself.
It can help to picture genes like light switches. Certain events in your environment can flip those switches, contributing to the development of anxiety. If you inherit anxiety-related genes from your parents, those switches become a lot easier to flip.
The genes that predispose you to free-floating anxiety can also increase your chances of developing other types of anxiety, such as agoraphobia or social anxiety.
Your genetic makeup also plays some part in your personality, though your environment can also contribute to personality. A 2020 study found evidence of a link between anxiety and neuroticism, a Big Five trait.
Brain development
A 2021 brain imaging study suggests people with free-floating anxiety often have differences in the structure of their brains. Their neurons may be unusually dense in certain areas and sparser in others.
The more densely packed neurons are between two areas, the easier those parts of the brain tend to communicate. With free-floating anxiety, the parts of your brain that control emotion, memory, and judgment may communicate very well or very poorly.
These differences in your brain can cause:
Heightened threat response. Your stress levels may rise more sharply and quickly when faced with a threat. You might have trouble telling the difference between a serious danger and a more minor or negligible one.
Negativity bias. You might bring negative memories to mind more easily than positive ones. You might also identify the risks of a plan more easily than any potential benefits.
Hypervigilance. You might find yourself searching for potential threats even in “safe” situations. You might find it difficult to set your worries aside, even temporarily.
Difficulty reducing arousal. It may take your brain longer to silence its alarm bells and calm down. While you’re still on edge, it’s easier to perceive potential threats, which restarts the fight-or-flight response.
In other words, your brain structure may increase your sensitivity to your environment, effectively keeping you in an anxious state.
Your environment
If you live in a turbulent, unpredictable, or dangerous situation — political violence, an abusive relationship, or a pandemic, just to name a few — you may face a lot of genuine threats to your well-being. You may feel like danger could come from any direction, at any time.
In these situations, fear is a natural response. If you can’t predict where the danger will come from, it might make sense to remain on guard against everything. That kind of vigilance can offer a sense of control.
But if you remain in that hyper-aroused state for too long, you can become locked in to that new normal. Even when the old threat is gone, scanning for threats can become a strong habit. Your anxiety may simply move to a new target rather than dissolving.
Your brain isn’t being stubborn — it’s simply trying to protect you. If you get hurt again, you might enter a state of panic, which can be exhausting. Your brain may find it easier to keep up a constant, low level of worry than risk a sudden bout of extreme stress.
Children are especially vulnerable to environmental stressors. After all, they usually don’t have much control over their environment, and they haven’t developed the coping methods that adults often possess.
In fact, 2020 research suggests that childhood trauma or abuse can affect how the brain’s stress centers develop. This can cause free-floating anxiety that may last into adulthood.
If you have free-floating anxiety, there’s a good chance you find yourself becoming anxious in many contexts. These tips can help you navigate free-floating anxiety in almost any situation.
Paced breathing
Anxiety can affect your body by making your breaths quicker and more shallow. By consciously slowing your breathing down, you can activate your parasympathetic nervous system. This lets your body know, “The danger is over. It’s safe to relax.”
To try this type of breathing:
Inhale slowly for about 5 seconds.
Exhale slowly, also for 5 seconds.
You don’t have to fill your lungs all the way. A typical breath works just fine.
Try not to worry about whether you’re breathing “correctly.” Just follow your body’s natural rhythm.
Progressive muscle relaxation
People with anxiety often tense their muscles without realizing it. Progressive muscle relaxation can help you relearn what tension and relaxation feel like in your body.
Start by making a fist, the tightest fist you can, and hold it for 5 seconds.
Then relax your hand.
Note the difference in how it feels.
You may feel blood flowing in your fingers, or your palm might feel warmer than before.
Follow this routine for every muscle group. For example, flex your calves for 5 seconds, then release. Tense your thigh muscles for 5 seconds, then release.
Progress through each part of your body, noting how each feels when you relax.
With practice, you can recognize muscle tension in the moment and switch to a relaxed state at will.
Contrary to what you may have heard, classical music doesn’t always have more of a calming effect than other genres. In fact, the genre of music may not necessarily matter all that much when it comes to promoting relaxation.
What does matter? The composition of the music. According to a small 2016 study, songs with slower tempos tend to have a more calming effect, as do songs with higher frequency notes. Your personal sense of taste can also affect how relaxing you find a particular song.
Coping techniques can absolutely help, but they generally only offer a temporary solution. In order to lower your anxiety long-term, you’ll generally want to opt for professional mental health treatment.
Support from a trained therapist can go a long way toward relieving symptoms of any anxiety condition, including free-floating anxiety.
You don’t need to have a particular diagnosis to get help for free-floating anxiety, or any other mental health or emotional concern, for that matter.
In a nutshell, when any type of worry or emotional distress becomes consistent enough to affect your life, you can usually benefit from treatment.
The right therapist can help you develop a treatment plan that includes therapy, medication, or both.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This approach can help you change anxious thinking patterns and reduce avoidance or procrastination behaviors.
Mindfulness-based stress reduction. This approach can improve your awareness of your anxiety and its triggers, as well as boost your resilience to stress.
Music therapy. This approach involves guidance from a professional music therapist, who might use soundscapes and relaxation techniques to help ease your anxiety.
Medication
Antidepressants are often the first-line medications for free-floating anxiety. They can help lower your overall anxiety level, which you may find particularly helpful for free-floating anxiety. You’ll typically take a pill every day.
Anti-anxiety medication tends to offer more short-term, as-needed benefits. These medications generally treat intense bouts of anxiety, rather than pervasive worry. A doctor or clinician might prescribe anti-anxiety medication if you also have panic disorder.
Keep in mind that treatment typically won’t end anxiety completely. Eliminating all negative or unwanted emotions from your life actually isn’t all that helpful.
Treatment instead aims to help lower anxiety to more manageable levels. To put it another way, it can improve quality of life and daily function, but it won’t change who you are as a person.
Free-floating anxiety refers to a pattern of chronic worrying that doesn’t land on any particular target. It can affect your health in plenty of (often unexpected) ways, from changes in sleep cycles to altered productivity at work or school.
If your symptoms begin to affect daily life, reaching out for professional treatment is always a good next step.
When getting treatment for anxiety, you have many options to choose from. Don’t hesitate to try different approaches until you find one that works well for you.
Feeling the burden of climate change on an emotional level? Here are some skillful ways to manage eco-anxiety.
I left the afternoon meeting early to drive home. The hurricane had been downgraded to a tropical depression with minimal rain, but I wanted to be on the safe side. I was just a few miles from home when steadily falling rain inundated the drains and turned the roads into streams. A pickup truck passed by, creating a wake that lifted my tires off the road.
It didn’t matter how tightly I held onto the steering wheel—a car is just not designed to be driven in rising water. I sought a place to abandon it before walking through shin-deep water toward a friend’s house. By this point the interstate highway had closed down, and cars and trucks less fortunate than my vehicle were swept into the raging James River, taking nearby brick buildings with them. About 12 inches of rain came down that afternoon, drenching Richmond and making weather history.
For the next few years, any amount of rain unnerved me. My stomach knotted and my hands shook at the slightest drop of rain hitting my roof. Now I don’t go anywhere without first consulting a weather app.
That was my first frightening encounter with extreme weather. Unfortunately, many of us have been similarly threatened by extreme weather and environmental changes caused by the climate crisis: excessive wildfires, heat, rain, wind, and snow have led to drought, floods, mudslides, crop decimation, poor health, species extinction, and ecosystem breakdown. Previous generations may have been lackadaisical about the weather and climate, but supposedly rare rains, fires, heatwaves, and blizzards are happening with increasing frequency, ensuring that modern day society is always on high alert.
The result of this necessary weather vigilance is called climate anxiety, or eco-anxiety. Climate change affects more than just the environment; it impacts our work, home life, day-to-day happenings, and mental health.
Our worry is not imagined. It’s based on real-world events taking place near and afar. But there are ways to cultivate hope amidst eco-anxiety. Yes, hope. Not an airy-fairy kind of hope that removes us from reality, but a type of hope that promotes action toward sustainability.
Action is the key. Any action—no action is too small. Power is gained through action. In action we transform our helplessness and despair into participation toward a preferred outcome. Though we may feel stuck in a bleak state of eco-anxiety, there are ways to cope with the emotions that arise when contemplating and adapting to a changing climate.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Respect your feelings about what’s taking place with the Earth. If you’re trembling with fear, accept the fear. If you’re feeling grief, then grieve. If you’re feeling hopeless or angry or confused, acknowledge those feelings, too, regardless of the discomfort. By acknowledging your feelings, you can accept the truth of the situation and create harmony between your thoughts and emotions. This harmony can free you to pursue other activities and take action.
Gather Your Community
Commiserate with friends or colleagues who share similar feelings. Freely express what’s on your mind and in your heart. Sharing your feelings releases pent-up emotions and allows them to evolve. We are able to connect with others and discover that we’re not alone in our anxiety. Consider joining a local or national group dedicated to tackling a specific issue, like a group that plants trees in your neighborhood or works toward eliminating single-use plastic.
Enjoy Nature
Go outside. Walk, bike, camp, or kayak. Listen to the birds, feel the wind, and notice the uneven ground underfoot. Bring your folding chair or blanket to a park. Being outside aligns our personal rhythms with the rhythms of nature. The sounds, sights, and smells provide visceral reminders that we all are a part of nature. Studies show that activity in nature reduces stress and lowers blood pressure in as little as 15 minutes. Consider shinrinyoku, or forest bathing.
Practice Embodiment
Attend to your five senses and be observant. Pay attention to your breath, bodily sensations, or whatever else is capturing your attention. Notice the position of your body right now as you read these words. Notice if you feel relaxed or tired, or if you are clenching your jaw.
Bringing awareness to your body creates an intimate and informed relationship with yourself that increases the range and intelligence of your senses. It supports the feeling of being more connected to your surroundings, and in doing so, you feel more at home with your body and more connected to everything around you.
Awareness of the relationship between you and nature is the primary focus of the emerging field of ecosomatics. We are part of the global ecosystem, as is every plant, mineral, animal, and insect performing their pivotal role. Embodying and experiencing ourselves in relationship with everything around us provides a profound connection and sense of belonging amidst eco-anxiety.
Try Gratitude
Find something to be grateful for, no matter how simple: the air you breathe, a conversation with a friend, a glass of water, the feel of a comfortable chair, or even that your eyes have opened for another day. Gratitude situates us in the current moment away from fantasies and expectations about the future and helps provide relief from clinging to the past. Gratitude leads to the discovery and recognition of beauty in the smallest details, and this respect and appreciation for the world as it is presently can help manage eco-anxiety.
Our vibrant world is filled with colors, and they may affect you more than you realize. They can change your mood and your behavior, maybe even your diet and who you find attractive. Before you redecorate, get dressed, or serve your next meal, it might be good to keep that in mind.
Your Memory
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Colors can affect what you remember. If there’s lots of red around, you’re more likely to recall negative words. Green, on the other hand, tends to make you hold on to positive ones. That may help you have a happier view of your life and a healthier state of mind.
Your Libido
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Women find men who are wearing red more desirable. And it seems that men are indeed attracted to “a lady in red.” But that’s only a physical effect — the color doesn’t make people of either gender seem more likable or kind.
Your Relationships
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We all want the people around us to be happy, and painting the walls of your home pink, green, or white may help you tune into those feelings. Those colors can make it easier for you to pick up on the happy facial expressions of others. In the interest of full disclosure, though, they also can make it harder to recognize sad ones.
Your Internal Clock
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Scientists have found that bright blue light may help reset your circadian rhythm if it gets out of whack. Studies show blue has the biggest positive effect on the physical, mental, and behavioral patterns you go through every 24 hours. Researchers are looking into ways it might help treat depression and other mood problems.
Your Emotions
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The color green seems to make positive emotions stronger and negative emotions weaker. White and pink may have similar effects, but researchers are still studying those. Meanwhile, the color red seems to have the opposite effect and make negative emotions — like those linked to failure and danger — more intense.
Your Creativity
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The color green can help get the creative juices flowing. Scientists compared it with white, gray, red, and blue, and green helped people do better with both word-based and picture-based activities. So if you’re looking for a new color for your office walls, think green. Or move your desk out to the golf course.
When You See Red
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Your reactions may get faster and stronger when you see it, because your brain sees it as a sign of danger. That’s why your body prepares to defend or attack. It could help in sports like weightlifting where you need a short burst of strength, but it may distract in other sports and activities that call for strategy, creativity, or more complex movement.
Your Energy Level
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You may be happier and less tired after you exercise around the color green. It makes sense then that people who exercise outside, where there’s more green, feel better. And having more “green space” where you live tends to boost your mental health.
Your Appetite
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The color of your plate can affect how much you eat. The key is contrast: The more different the color of the plate from the color of the food that’s on it, the less you’ll serve yourself. In one study, people served themselves about 30% more fettuccini alfredo if they were given white plates instead of red.
Picky Eaters
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Children seem to eat more if there are different colors on their plates. One way to try to get your kid to eat more fruits and vegetables might be to come up with some vivid color combos. As a bonus, different colors often mean a larger variety of nutrients, and that’s good for growing bodies.
Migraine Relief
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If you have migraine, you may find you want to avoid light. Different colors, or “wavelengths,” of light — blue, amber, red — all seem to make migraines worse. All except green, that is, which actually seems to help. But it’s hard to separate green from other colors outside the lab. Special lightbulbs or sunglasses that isolate green wavelengths are possible, but they need to be developed to be affordable.
Summary: Researchers highlighted that around 13% of Norwegian employees are at high risk of burnout. The study introduces a novel tool, the Burnout Assessment Tool (BAT), designed to identify individuals at risk of burnout by measuring exhaustion, mental distancing, cognitive and emotional impairment.
This tool, now being tested in over 30 countries, aims to facilitate early intervention and prevent the long-term consequences of burnout, which include a range of physical and psychological issues. With a focus on both individual and workplace interventions, the researchers underscore the importance of addressing high demands and limited resources to safeguard employee health.
Key Facts:
Prevalence of Burnout: About 13% of Norwegian workers are identified as being at high risk for burnout, signaling a significant occupational health concern.
Introduction of BAT: The Burnout Assessment Tool is a new, promising instrument for early detection of burnout risks, measuring key factors like exhaustion and cognitive impairment.
Long-term Impact and Solutions: Burnout can lead to serious health issues and decreased productivity. The study emphasizes the need for both individual treatments and workplace adjustments to prevent recurrence and promote a healthier work environment.
Source: NTNU
It is not uncommon for people to “hit the wall” at work and experience burnout for short or long periods of time.
“We have found that approximately 13 per cent of Norwegian employees are at high risk of burnout,” says Leon De Beer, Associate Professor of Work and Organizational Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) Department of Psychology.
De Beer has contributed to a new study on burnout published in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology with colleagues from the Healthy Workplaces research group.
“Not addressing the risk of employee burnout in time can have long-term consequences,” says De Beer.
They are working on a new tool that can identify people at risk of burnout. (A simplified version can be found at the bottom of this article.)
Signs that you might be at risk of burnout
If you are facing demands and stress at work that seem to be intractable, and you have frequently experienced the following symptoms in recent weeks, it might be a sign that you are on the verge of burning out:
You feel mentally exhausted at work.
You struggle to feel enthusiastic about your job.
You have trouble concentrating when working.
You sometimes overreact at work without meaning to.
Early intervention is key
It is important to identify the early signs of burnout in order to mitigate the harmful effects. The warning signs are often present before things have gone too far, as long as we manage to identify them.
“Not addressing the risk of employee burnout in time can have long-term consequences,” says De Beer.
The physical and psychological effects of burnout include cardiovascular disease, pain related to musculoskeletal injuries, sleeping problems, and depression. Organisations can also lose talented employees and experience an increase in sickness absence and lost productivity.
A new tool may become standard
De Beer’s research group has trialled a new measurement tool to identify the early warning signs of burnout. In the past, it has not always been that easy.
“Previously, we have not had a detailed enough measurement tool for use in both the field of practice and research that identifies workers who are at risk of burnout,” says De Beer.
There is currently no international standard for assessing burnout.
The new tool is called the Burnout Assessment Tool, or BAT among researchers who have a penchant for amusing abbreviations. The BAT consortium, of which the researchers are a part, is now testing the instrument in more than 30 countries.
“Our studies show that BAT is a good tool for identifying the risk of burnout,” says De Beer.
Burnout is the body’s response to stress
BAT measures four main groups of risk factors: exhaustion, mental distancing, cognitive impairment and emotional impairment.
Burnout is not really an illness, but a feeling of being mentally or physically exhausted – the body’s response to a lasting, demanding situation. (See the fact box.)
Burnout is normally defined as a work-related syndrome, but there is evidence that work–life balance also plays a role. Stress and burnout don’t necessarily stop when you go home at the end of the day, as these effects often extend into other areas of life and vice versa.
Some people may experience years of burnout
For some people, burnout can be stopped in its tracks and solutions found to improve their situation. For others, however, burnout can last for years if the problem isn’t addressed.
“We can deal with burnout through individual treatment, but it is of little use if people return to a workplace where the demands are too high and there are few resources. It is then highly likely that the employee will become ill again. Therefore, it is important to create good working conditions and structures that safeguard the health of employees,” says Professor Marit Christensen at NTNU’s Department of Psychology.
Studied 500 workers
The researchers studied a representative sample of 500 Norwegian workers. Norway is roughly on par with the EU average when it comes to mental health, but somewhat better when it comes to work-related matters.
A lower percentage of the Norwegian population struggles with exhaustion in connection with work. Somewhat fewer people than the EU average report health hazards at work, and we experience a better work–life balance.
“Using a recognised method, we found that around 13 per cent of the 500 surveyed workers were at high risk of burnout,” says Professor Christensen.
The tool can help identify who requires the most urgent follow up so that the risk of burnout can be reduced.
Uncertain whether Norwegian numbers are high
We do not yet know whether the prevalence of burnout in Norway is high in an international context. The Norwegian study is among several BAT studies that are currently taking place, so these answers will be available at a later date.
The tool is intended to be culturally independent, and it certainly works well in Norway. The researchers also found that the tool works regardless of gender.
“For entertainment and educational purposes, interested parties can use our online tool to test if they are at risk of burnout,” says Professor Christensen.
“Please note that the tool only gives an indication of risk and does not provide any type of formal diagnosis or medical advice. If you are concerned about your levels of work-related stress, we encourage you to visit a health care provider to discuss the matter,” says Professor Christensen.
Abstract
The psychometric properties of the Burnout Assessment Tool in Norway: A thorough investigation into construct-relevant multidimensionality
Objective
The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an occupational issue. Nevertheless, accurately identifying employee burnout remains a challenging task. To complicate matters, current measures of burnout have demonstrated limitations, prompting the development of the Burnout Assessment Tool (BAT). Given these circumstances, conducting an in-depth examination of the BAT’s construct-relevant multidimensionality is crucial.
Method
This study focuses on both the original 23-item BAT and the short 12-item version, using modern factor analytic methods to investigate reliability, validity, and measurement invariance in a representative sample from Norway (n = 493; 49.54% women).
Results
Our findings revealed that the bifactor exploratory structural equation modeling solution (burnout global factor and four specific burnout component factors) best explained the data for both BAT versions. All factors demonstrated adequate omega coefficients, with the global factor showing exceptional strength. Both BAT versions correlated highly with each other and with another burnout measure, suggesting convergent validity. Furthermore, both BAT versions achieved full (strict) measurement invariance based on gender. Finally, our results showed that burnout acts as a mediator in our proposed job demands–resources model as preliminary evidence of predictive validity.
Conclusions
The study validates the Burnout Assessment Tool in the Norwegian context. The study supports the reliability, validity, and unbiased nature of the tool across genders. The findings also reinforce the importance of job demands and resources, along with burnout as a key mediator, in understanding workplace dynamics in accordance with job demands–resources theory.
Summary: Individuals with borderline personality (BPD) features are more prone to suspicious jealousy, which significantly influences their romantic relationships. This suspiciousness leads to a range of mate retention behaviors, from affection and support to criticism and abuse.
The study highlights the complex role of BPD traits in shaping how individuals navigate romantic engagements, emphasizing the critical influence of emotional regulation on relationship dynamics. It underlines the need for a deeper understanding of BPD features’ impact on interpersonal relationships, offering insights into both the positive and negative strategies employed for mate retention.
Key Facts:
Individuals with BPD traits exhibit higher levels of suspicious jealousy, affecting their approach to mate retention.
This jealousy leads to both positive (benefit-provisioning) and negative (cost-inflicting) behaviors in relationships.
The study’s findings are based on self-reported data and online samples, pointing to the intricate link between BPD features and relationship dynamics.
Source: Neuroscience News
Virgil Zeigler-Hill and Jennifer Vonk’s recent publication in Sexes unveils the intricate dynamics of how borderline personality features influence romantic relationships, with a keen focus on the mechanisms of suspicious jealousy.
This study brings to light that individuals with pronounced features associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) navigate romantic engagements through a broad spectrum of behaviors aimed at keeping their partners close.
From exhibiting affection and support to engaging in more detrimental actions such as criticism, neglect, or abuse, the behaviors are deeply intertwined with feelings of suspicious jealousy.
This investigation into the dynamics of romantic relationships among individuals with borderline personality features underscores the critical role of suspicious jealousy.
BPD is characterized by significant instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotions, alongside marked impulsivity. The disorder typically manifests in early adulthood across various contexts.
Individuals may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety, which can last from a few hours to days. Zeigler-Hill and Vonk extend these findings to include individuals who exhibit borderline personality features but might not meet the full criteria for BPD diagnosis.
These individuals still show tendencies towards emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, frequent mood swings, and difficulty controlling anger, which in turn affects their romantic relationships.
In their study, the authors categorize mate retention strategies into two main types: benefit-provisioning and cost-inflicting behaviors.
Benefit-provisioning behaviors aim to positively affect the partner’s well-being through expressions of affection and support. On the other hand, cost-inflicting behaviors have a negative impact, including criticism, neglect, dishonesty, or abuse.
The study’s findings underscore that suspicious jealousy, characterized by doubts about a partner’s fidelity without solid evidence, often arising from personal insecurities or fears, is a significant driver of both types of behaviors in individuals with borderline personality features.
The researchers report that participants with higher levels of borderline personality features demonstrated a greater propensity for suspicious jealousy. This form of jealousy, in turn, increased their likelihood of engaging in both benefit-provisioning behaviors, such as showing affection and support, and cost-inflicting behaviors.
Notably, the study highlights that while benefit-provisioning behaviors can strengthen the bond between partners by fostering trust and intimacy, cost-inflicting behaviors, particularly those involving criticism, neglect, and abuse, can undermine trust, reduce relationship satisfaction, and potentially lead to the relationship’s demise.
Statistically, the study points out a significant correlation between borderline personality features and the increased use of mate retention strategies, both positive and negative. Specifically, individuals with higher borderline personality features were more likely to engage in cost-inflicting behaviors as a means of mate retention, showcasing the complex interplay between emotional dysregulation, fear of abandonment, and relationship dynamics.
This research provides a nuanced understanding of how borderline personality features can shape the landscape of romantic relationships, highlighting the dual nature of suspicious jealousy in promoting behaviors aimed at mate retention.
While the study offers profound insights, it also acknowledges its reliance on self-reported data and online samples, suggesting a need for further investigation through observational studies to validate and expand upon these findings.
By shedding light on the complex relationship between borderline personality features, suspicious jealousy, and mate retention behaviors, Zeigler-Hill and Vonk’s study opens new avenues for understanding and addressing the challenges faced by individuals with these personality features in romantic relationships.
Abstract
Borderline Personality Features and Mate Retention Behaviors: The Mediating Roles of Suspicious and Reactive Jealousy
We investigated the roles that suspicious jealousy and reactive jealousy might play in the associations between borderline personality features (BPF) and mate retention behaviors.
Study 1 (N = 406) found that BPF had positive indirect associations with benefit-provisioning behaviors and cost-inflicting behaviors through suspicious jealousy but not through reactive jealousy.
Study 2 (N = 334 (a dyadic sample of 167 romantic couples)) revealed actor effects such that BPF had positive indirect associations with benefit-provisioning behaviors and cost-inflicting behaviors through suspicious jealousy for both men and women.
In addition, the positive association between BPF and benefit-provisioning behaviors was mediated by reactive jealousy in women but not in men.
The only partner effect that emerged from these analyses showed that BPF in women were negatively associated with the benefit-provisioning behaviors reported by their male partners.
Discussion focuses on the implications of these results for the function that jealousy might serve in the strategies used by individuals with BPF to maintain their romantic relationships.
There’s a difference between caring and controlling.
Even people in the most secure relationships may have to navigate waves of jealousy. It’s totally normal if your stomach sinks after seeing your partner bond with their attractive coworker, and we’d venture a guess that almost all couples have had some variation of the, “Seriously, they’re just a friend” debate. The green-eyed monster may even seem kind of endearing at times. (Isn’t it so sweet that they care that much about you?)
Jealousy isn’t a relationship red flag in and of itself, Vernessa Roberts, PsyD, LMFT, a therapist who works with couples in Sacramento, California, tells SELF. At its core, this uneasy feeling usually stems from anxiety, suspicion, paranoia, or insecurity—all of which can naturally arise when you’re afraid of losing someone important to you, according to Dr. Roberts. “Although most of us don’t like this emotion, jealousy can actually be a healthy indicator that maybe we don’t feel secure and need some reassurance from our partner,” she says. But when self-doubt spirals into volatile and irrational accusations or controlling, guilt-tripping behaviors, that’s when jealousy is a sign of something more serious.
“The biggest difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy is how we manage it,” Dr. Roberts says. The former is natural, normal, and most importantly, temporary; the latter is “toxic, explosive, and uncompromising, usually indicating a desire to control the other person,” she explains. The line between the two can be fine, so we asked therapists to share the most common warning signs that jealousy has gone too far. Here are the biggies you shouldn’t ignore:
They monitor your every move.
It’s one thing if your partner is curious about who you’re calling so late at night, or what bar you’re hitting with your pals without them. But if you feel like you have to report your whereabouts at all times, say, or your lover demands to see your texts under the justification that “there shouldn’t be anything to hide,” that’s a telltale sign that their jealousy is crossing into toxic territory, Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, a therapist at Therapeutic Alliance of New York Counseling who specializes in couples counseling and divorce guidance, tells SELF.
“Constantly keeping tabs on your every move, like regularly snooping on your phone, is an unsustainable fix,” Hartstein says. “They may feel better knowing you’re not flirting with someone today, but they’ll inevitably keep surveilling you to make sure you’re not doing something tomorrow, which is an invasion of your privacy.” Even if you’ve lied to your partner about your past relationships, say, or fibbed about your spending habits, that still doesn’t give them the right to watch you like a hawk. Not only is it super annoying and a strain on the relationship, but taking your freedom away and destroying your sense of privacy can signal emotional abuse, according to Harstein.
At the end of the day, you should feel relaxed and safe when you’re in a healthy relationship, she says—not like you’re being smothered by an overbearing parent or losing your sense of autonomy.
Their jealousy results in angry outbursts.
Everyone has moments when their anger gets the best of them and they react in ways they’re not too proud of. However, if you’re frequently tiptoeing around your partner, telling white lies, or staying guarded out of fear that one wrong move will instigate a screaming match, take a step back and ask yourself why you’re being so cautious, Dr. Roberts recommends.
For instance, do you answer their inconvenient phone calls right away because you know they’ll be furious if you don’t? Do you change your outfit because your favorite skirt isn’t “appropriate” according to your partner? It may be difficult to spot unhealthy jealousy and rage in the moment, but constantly worrying about how your partner will react to your everyday choices is a major red flag, Dr. Roberts says.
“Walking on eggshells signals a lack of openness in the relationship and can also mean there’s a lack of vulnerability and authenticity,” which, she says, can also be a sign of emotional abuse. You shouldn’t feel tense when telling them about an upcoming dinner plan, and you should be able to truly speak your mind, even if they may not agree with you. Feeling a rush of anxiety as you anticipate their reaction is your body’s way of telling you that you don’t feel safe or secure with this person and it’s important to listen to that gut instinct, Dr. Roberts adds.
They don’t allow you to spend alone time with others.
Is anyone 100% comfortable seeing their partner giggling at inside jokes with their BFF, who just so happens to be extremely hot and effortlessly cool? We think not. It’s natural to feel a little insecure during moments like this, Hartstein says, but there’s a difference between fleeting envy and controlling behavior. Sure, everyone has their insecurities, but nobody is entitled to decide who you talk to or hang out with.
That isn’t to say you should automatically brush off all of your partner’s worries. If your one-on-one hangs with a former fling make them uncomfortable, for example, you can validate their concerns (how would you feel if you were in their shoes?) and establish some clear-cut boundaries together, Dr. Roberts advises. Another scenario: Let’s say you want to go on a weekend trip with a new group of friends that your significant other doesn’t really know and they’re asking a million questions about your plans (“Who are these people? Why haven’t I met them?”). Rather than ignoring their questions or declining the invite altogether, you can meet in the middle with a compromise, like agreeing to text them each night to confirm that you’re safe, for example, or having them meet your pals beforehand so they’ll feel more at ease.
If you’ve tried to compromise and be as transparent as possible and your partner still incessantly questions or doubts you when you hang out with other people, that’s a sign that their “overprotectiveness” or “concern” is actually just controlling, potentially abusive behavior disguised as adoration.
They try to fully cut you off from other people, including friends and family.
This is a bright-red flag you should never ignore, according to Hartstein. “If your partner puts down your loved ones constantly or tries to make you think they’re the only person you can trust, beware,” she says. Rather than trying to “protect” you, they may actually be cutting you off from your support system as a way to control and manipulate you, which Hartstein and Dr. Roberts both agree is a common precursor to an abusive relationship.
These attempts at isolation can be as subtle as complaining about how often you talk to your sibling on the phone (“Are you sure you want to call them back? They seem like a bad influence”) or as extreme as becoming enraged when they find out you went to an impromptu coffee hang (“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me first!”). “We need external connections beyond our romantic relationships, and it’s important to receive different types of support from different groups of people in order to grow as individuals,” Dr. Roberts says.
Being independent of your significant other—spending time apart and having your own friends, hobbies, and interests—is just as important for you and your relationship as spending quality time together, she adds. A partner who truly cares about you will encourage you to be your own person and connect with the people and things you love—not hold you back.
Scientists are probing the head games that influence athletic performance, from coaching to coping with pressure
Since the early years of this century, it has been commonplace for computerized analyses of athletic statistics to guide a baseball manager’s choice of pinch hitter, a football coach’s decision to punt or pass, or a basketball team’s debate over whether to trade a star player for a draft pick.
But many sports experts who actually watch the games know that the secret to success is not solely in computer databases, but also inside the players’ heads. So perhaps psychologists can offer as much insight into athletic achievement as statistics gurus do.
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Sports psychology has, after all, been around a lot longer than computer analytics. Psychological studies of sports appeared as early as the late 19th century. During the 1970s and ’80s, sports psychology became a fertile research field. And within the last decade or so, sports psychology research has exploded, as scientists have explored the nuances of everything from the pursuit of perfection to the harms of abusive coaching.
“Sport pervades cultures, continents, and indeed many facets of daily life,” write Mark Beauchamp, Alan Kingstone and Nikos Ntoumanis, authors of an overview of sports psychology research in the 2023 Annual Review of Psychology.
Their review surveys findings from nearly 150 papers investigating various psychological influences on athletic performance and success. “This body of work sheds light on the diverse ways in which psychological processes contribute to athletic strivings,” the authors write. Such research has the potential not only to enhance athletic performance, they say, but also to provide insights into psychological influences on success in other realms, from education to the military. Psychological knowledge can aid competitive performance under pressure, help evaluate the benefit of pursuing perfection and assess the pluses and minuses of high self-confidence.
Confidence and choking
In sports, high self-confidence (technical term: elevated self-efficacy belief) is generally considered to be a plus. As baseball pitcher Nolan Ryan once said, “You have to have a lot of confidence to be successful in this game.” Many a baseball manager would agree that a batter who lacks confidence against a given pitcher is unlikely to get to first base.
Various studies suggest that self-talk can increase confidence, enhance focus, control emotions and initiate effective actions.
And in fact, a lot of psychological research actually supports that view, suggesting that encouraging self-confidence is a beneficial strategy. Yet while confident athletes do seem to perform better than those afflicted with self-doubt, some studies hint that for a given player, excessive confidence can be detrimental. Artificially inflated confidence, unchecked by honest feedback, may cause players to “fail to allocate sufficient resources based on their overestimated sense of their capabilities,” Beauchamp and colleagues write. In other words, overconfidence may result in underachievement.
Other work shows that high confidence is usually most useful in the most challenging situations (such as attempting a 60-yard field goal), while not helping as much for simpler tasks (like kicking an extra point).
Of course, the ease of kicking either a long field goal or an extra point depends a lot on the stress of the situation. With time running out and the game on the line, a routine play can become an anxiety-inducing trial by fire. Psychological research, Beauchamp and coauthors report, has clearly established that athletes often exhibit “impaired performance under pressure-invoking situations” (technical term: “choking”).
In general, stress impairs not only the guidance of movements but also perceptual ability and decision-making. On the other hand, it’s also true that certain elite athletes perform best under high stress. “There is also insightful evidence that some of the most successful performers actually seek out, and thrive on, anxiety-invoking contexts offered by high-pressure sport,” the authors note. Just ask Michael Jordan or LeBron James.
Many studies have investigated the psychological coping strategies that athletes use to maintain focus and ignore distractions in high-pressure situations. One popular method is a technique known as the “quiet eye.” A basketball player attempting a free throw is typically more likely to make it by maintaining “a longer and steadier gaze” at the basket before shooting, studies have demonstrated.
“In a recent systematic review of interventions designed to alleviate so-called choking, quiet-eye training was identified as being among the most effective approaches,” Beachamp and coauthors write.
Milwaukee Bucks’ Giannis Antetokounmpo focuses before shooting a free throw during a 2022 NBA basketball game. Studies suggest that athletes who display a relatively long and steady gaze before executing a task — a quiet eye — are more successful at the task.
Another common stress-coping method is “self-talk,” in which players utter instructional or motivational phrases to themselves in order to boost performance. Saying “I can do it” or “I feel good” can self-motivate a marathon runner, for example. Saying “eye on the ball” might help a baseball batter get a hit.
Researchers have found moderate benefits of self-talk strategies for both novices and experienced athletes, Beauchamp and colleagues report. Various studies suggest that self-talk can increase confidence, enhance focus, control emotions and initiate effective actions.
Moderate performance benefits have also been reported for other techniques for countering stress, such as biofeedback, and possibly meditation and relaxation training.
“It appears that stress regulation interventions represent a promising means of supporting athletes when confronted with performance-related stressors,” Beauchamp and coauthors conclude.
Pursuing athletic perfection
Of course, sports psychology encompasses many other issues besides influencing confidence and coping with pressure. Many athletes set a goal of attaining perfection, for example, but such striving can induce detrimental psychological pressures. One analysis found that athletes pursuing purely personal high standards generally achieved superior performance. But when perfectionism was motivated by fear of criticism from others, performance suffered.
Similarly, while some coaching strategies can aid a player’s performance, several studies have shown that abusive coaching can detract from performance, even for the rest of an athlete’s career.
Beauchamp and his collaborators conclude that a large suite of psychological factors and strategies can aid athletic success. And these factors may well be applicable to other areas of human endeavor where choking can impair performance (say, while performing brain surgery or flying a fighter jet).
But the authors also point out that researchers shouldn’t neglect the need to consider that in sports, performance is also affected by the adversarial nature of competition. A pitcher’s psychological strategies that are effective against most hitters might not fare so well against Shohei Ohtani, for instance.
Besides that, sports psychology studies (much like computer-based analytics) rely on statistics. As Adolphe Quetelet, a pioneer of social statistics, emphasized in the 19th century, statistics do not define any individual — average life expectancy cannot tell you when any given person will die. On the other hand, he noted, no single exceptional case invalidates the general conclusions from sound statistical analysis.
Sports are, in fact, all about the quest of the individual (or a team) to defeat the opposition. Success often requires defying the odds — which is why gambling on athletic events is such a big business. Sports consist of contests between the averages and the exceptions, and neither computer analytics nor psychological science can tell you in advance who is going to win. That’s why they play the games.
The stages of a breakup can be emotionally overwhelming—particularly if you’re on the receiving end of the “this isn’t working” news. Severing ties with someone you’ve become attached to can bring up feelings of rejection, hurt, self-doubt—and maybe a little bit (or a lot) of anger, because let’s be honest, you’ve got a lot to offer.
We’ve all seen enough rom-com clichés to have an idea of what a Hollywood breakup looks like: Holing up at home with Haagen-Dazs and/or soaking a friend’s shoulders with tears. But the reality is that many of us are unfamiliar with the actual grieving process involved in romantic loss—despite its near-universal prevalence.
If you’re experiencing a painful romantic separation, understanding the potential stages of a breakup—which tend to follow a trajectory similar to that of other forms of grief—can help you learn how to move on and heal, Gary W. Lewandowski, PhD, a professor of psychology at Monmouth University who studies romantic relationships and identity, tells SELF.
Mourning a relationship looks different for everyone, but there is some common grief ground.
You may have heard of the typical stages of grief, but the process doesn’t look the same for everyone. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first introduced the concept of five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) in her 1969 book On Death and Dying to explain how patients came to terms with a terminal illness diagnosis. It’s since been adopted as a roadmap for how we process other forms of loss; however, most experts no longer believe that grief occurs in defined, sequential steps (as SELF previously reported). Instead, some people may experience certain stages out of order, or even skip them altogether.
One factor that will likely (not surprisingly) influence your reaction: How attached you were to begin with. “I don’t think there are specific stages across the board; it depends on how invested you were in the relationship,” Niloo Dardashti, PhD, New York–based couples psychologist and cofounder of Manhattan Psychology Group, tells SELF. “It’s a very different case for someone who’s been on a few dates and shared a few sleepovers versus a breakup where someone has been blindsided after several years.” (It’s also a very different case if you’re the breakup-er. You may still experience feelings of grief and loss, of course, but romantic rejection is a particularly painful blow—which is why we published this advice on how to break up with someone without being a total a-hole.)
Poorly handling a breakup isn’t a character flaw—despite what it may seem (or feel) like.
Science tells us freaking out after separating from a significant other is an ubiquitous experience programmed into our brains. Humans, like other mammals, are engineered to form social connections, so our brains may process social pain similarly to physical pain, according to research presented in Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, by psychologist Matthew D. Lieberman, PhD, director of the Social Cognitive Neuroscience Laboratory at UCLA. When these connections are severed, “you suffer for important Darwinian reasons,” Helen Fisher, PhD, biological anthropologist and Chief Scientific Advisor for Match, tells SELF. While basic biological needs like “thirst and hunger keep you alive today, romantic love drives you to form a partnership and send your DNA into tomorrow,” she says.
In other words, if you feel like your survival is being threatened after a breakup, you’re not wrong. Seemingly unbearable emotions are a normal, hardwired response to romantic grief. While that doesn’t make them suck any less, knowing that you’re so not alone in your experience—and learning what to expect as you get through it—might offer a bit of relief and hope for the future.
And here’s the part you’ve been waiting for: Yes, you will get through it. You don’t have to take our word for it, either—there are plenty of studies and experts to back up the fact that, in time, you’ll feel like yourself again (maybe even with more wisdom and strength). With that in mind, we asked relationship experts to demystify and break down the potential stages of a breakup.
1. You might not believe it’s really happening.
Many people on the receiving end of a breakup are in a state of shock, so the reality of their new situation may not sink in immediately, Dr. Lewandowski says. This initial denial stage of grief is a self-protective reaction, psychologists say, since immediately taking in the fact that you’re never getting back together might be too painful for your brain to process. If this sounds like you, here are some small things you can do:
Ask yourself, Am I just seeing what I want to see?
While it’s normal to not fully accept your new situation (and even wait by your phone) right after a breakup, if you feel like you’re stuck in the denial stage and just can’t seem to acknowledge that the relationship is over, asking yourself this question might help, Dr. Dardashti says. Our minds have a funny way of distorting reality to shield us from pain: For example, we’ll read into the final words or actions of an ex trying to decipher them for signs that the relationship hasn’t ended in order to get through the hurt, she says.
Then, consider making a list.
Your method of processing what happened and beginning to accept your new reality might involve journaling about your experience or talking to your support system to begin to unpack the whys of the breakup. Dr. Dardashti advises making a list of the ways you and your ex were incompatible—realizing that the relationship wasn’t perfect should help you begin to let go, she says. (More on that shortly).
2. You may feel anger—or rage.
Another common reaction that comes up during a breakup is anger. The second stage in the Kubler-Ross grief model, this emotion can come up at any time and can be expressed differently depending on the person. According to Dr. Dardashti your mind may convert your feelings of hurt and confusion into anger in order to push them away, causing you to direct ire towards something intangible—like the universe—or someone specific like, you guessed it, your ex.
While being furious with your romantic rejector makes sense and may inspire you to want to slam them on social media, lashing out publicly probably isn’t going to help you feel better in the long run. Instead, it’s likely to leave you with feelings of shame and remorse once you’ve moved past your fiery feelings, Dr. Dardashti says.
But that doesn’t mean you should bottle up these feelings and hope they go away. Here are some ways you might be able to channel your anger while you work through this stage:
Give yourself permission to be pissed.
“You might have to find a reason to be mad at the person until you’re ready to deal with the feelings of vulnerability and rawness that come with rejection,” Dr. Dardashti says. Maybe you replay the relationship in your mind to uncover all the red flags you ignored in the past, or decide that your ex was a commitment-phobe. What’s important is that you’ve formulated a story for yourself to make sense of the breakup, even if it’s not necessarily the complete picture, Dr. Lewandowski says.
Move through your anger in a productive way.
Sharing your feelings with someone in your support system, channeling them through an intense workout, or rage-writing them in a journal can all be helpful ways of working through your anger. (Maybe you’re even lucky enough to have a “break room” in your area where you can go to physically smash printers, small plates, and more.) On the other hand, if your anger—or any other emotion during a breakup, for that matter—is overwhelming and you can’t seem to get control of it, seeking advice from a therapist, if you’re able, might be your best bet for moving through your feelings and finding peace.
3. You might feel like you’ll do just about anything to get your ex back.
If you’ve ever promised to become a totally different person in a series of screen-length texts or have been playing The Temptations’ “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” as your personal anthem, you’ve experienced a rough grief phase called the bargaining stage—in which people’s inability to accept their painful situation may lead them to act out (sometimes out of character) to win back the object of their affection.
This phase is also known as the protest phase, according to Dr. Fisher. In a 2010 study in the Journal of Neurophysiology, she and her colleagues studied the brains of 15 participants immediately following a romantic rejection. The researchers found that, when presented with photos of their exes, participants had increased activity in the ventral tegmental area of the brain, which plays a significant role in pleasure and joy. This brain activation may explain why dumpees will often ruminate about their exes and try to find ways to reinstate contact against all odds. If you feel stuck in this phase, try one of these tips instead:
Ask yourself, What’s the goal of my behavior here? Is this going to make it harder for me to let go?
Dr. Dardashti advises that having a balanced outlook might help you avoid acting on your impulses and going to extremes. Desperate attempts to win someone back may seem like a good idea in the moment, but, much like lashing out, they often leave you feeling regretful and ashamed in the future, she says.
Or maybe ask a friend that question.
Theoretically, you can ask yourself how you think you’ll feel about a particular win-them-back move a year from now before acting. But since heartbroken brains are in survival mode and have higher priorities than your future remorse, you may be better off asking your support system what they think before you decide to leave an eight-page love letter under your ex’s doormat.
4. You may feel so, so sad—or empty inside.
While, again, there’s not necessarily a sequential order of breakup stages, when protesting and bargaining don’t work, many people react by slipping into a phase some researchers call resignation (akin to the depression phase in the Kubler-Ross model), Dr. Fisher says. Here, she explains, you may experience feelings of sluggishness, hopelessness, and depression due to a decrease in dopamine.
A clear indication that you’ve entered the resignation or depression phase of a breakup is when you’re done trying to make contact with an ex and instead lean into your feelings of sadness. There’s no right or wrong way to cope with feelings of hurt (as long as you’re not endangering yourself or others)—and how long they last will depend on your particular circumstances—but practicing self-empathy might help you get through them. And maybe this playlist (an oldie but a goodie) will help too. While you listen, here are some other strategies that may help you work through this moment:
Try to stay objective while you wallow.
Noticing how you’re feeling without judgment is not only an act of mindfulness and self-kindness, but it can help you gain the perspective necessary to connect your experience to other times in your life when you felt blue. This can help you realize that, even though this period of your life is incredibly difficult, “you’ll overcome it much as you did before,” Dr. Dardashti says.
Lean into your favorite self-care practices.
Treat yourself with compassion, just as you would your grieving best friend, Dr. Dardashti adds. Your version of post-breakup self-care might involve taking on less at work, going to bed earlier, or allowing yourself to be vulnerable with the people in your life by telling them how much you’re suffering. May we also suggest indulging in the practices that you genuinely enjoy, whether that’s taking long baths, splurging a little on professional beauty treatments, or revisiting a favorite—preferably comedic—TV series. (Here are the stress-reducing TV shows SELF staffers rely on).
5. Eventually, you’ll feel at peace and ready to move forward solo.
Moving between feelings of admiration and fury is par for the course for a dejected partner, but when you finally feel indifferent—or at least less raw—about a breakup, you’ve reached the acceptance stage of grief. At this point, you’re able to make sense of what happened in the relationship and hopefully apply those lessons toward a future partnership. You may move in and out of this stage, but acceptance is, to answer Whitney Houston’s question, where (most) broken hearts go—eventually.
To encourage the process of acceptance, Dr. Fisher recommends putting the lessons you’ve learned into words. “We’ve found that people who purposefully focus on the positive aspects of the breakup may heal best,” she says. Why is that? Her 2010 study referenced above showed that rejected partners had increased activity in the regions of the brain that work together to assist in reinforcement learning, which is a learning process in which previous experiences are used to improve future ones. So try this:
Write about the perspective you’ve gained.
Dr. Fisher and her colleagues speculate that romantically rejected brains learn to adjust to their single status and adapt their behavior accordingly—and that writing out the perspective you’ve gained from a breakup could, in theory, help move that adjustment process along.
Or talk about it with someone you trust.
If writing really isn’t your thing, you can also identify the silver linings of your otherwise gray breakup by talking them out with a friend or therapist. The idea is to shift your focus to the positive aspects of your separation so you can start to see your future in a brighter light.
What’s the hardest stage of a breakup?
Again, while the stages above are typical of heartache—and grief in general—there’s not really a typical way to experience them. However, feeling like the pain will never end can certainly be one of the worst aspects of romantic grief, Dr. Dardashti says: “A lot of people think they won’t find someone else or they won’t feel the same way again. That can be really hard—the fear of being alone.”
Speaking of loneliness, remembering that you’re definitely not alone can be a source of comfort as you heal. “You can try thinking, There are millions of people going through this just like me right now,” Dr. Dardashti says. Or maybe you’ve gotten through a tough breakup before. Remember, if you got through it before, you can do it again.
Most importantly, try to bear in mind that the stages of a breakup won’t last forever. They’re necessary to get over someone, but you will get past your feelings of loss, Dr. Darfashti says. And one way to potentially make that happen sooner rather than later, per Dr. Fisher, is to try to cut off communication with your ex. You may or may not end up having some sort of relationship with them in the end, but because the same three brain regions linked with addiction are active during romantic rejection, the best way to get over someone is to treat them like any other dependency, she says.
“Don’t write, don’t call, don’t show up at the door, and don’t check up on them on social media,” Dr. Fisher suggests. Blocking or unfollowing your ex on social media is probably best, but if you’re not ready, consider muting your ex. And when the urge to initiate contact takes hold, try texting a friend instead.
Okay, but I need to know: How long does it take to get over a breakup?
In dating, we’re often told that it takes half the duration of the relationship to get over someone, and while it would be such a relief if a little math could tell us exactly how long it’ll be until Crazy Rich Asians doesn’t elicit sobbing, none of the experts we spoke to agreed with this timeline.
What they did agree on: Time does, indeed, help heal a broken heart. Wallowing at home is to be expected, but eventually your brain will grow accustomed to its new normal and, one day, the pangs of sadness over your breakup will likely feel like a distant memory. Having said all that, remember that if your pain continues to be overwhelming for months, or you’re unable to complete daily tasks like going to work, seeking mental health help is your best option.
The reality is that, yes, breakups can be among the most painful experiences of loss you’ll have in life, akin to some forms of physical pain. But on the other side of that heartache is the opportunity for some profound healing (and invaluable perspective, we might add). The hurt you experience during a breakup can be an excellent motivator for striving for a better relationship the next time.
It may feel like you’re meant to be with your ex, but if you broke up, that’s a pretty clear indication something wasn’t right. And seeing your separation as an opportunity for growth can help lay the groundwork for a happier future. “It’s important to realize that great relationships seldom fail,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “Breakups create space in your life to find the truly great relationship you deserve.” Plus, where would Adele be without them?
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