This prompts some women to manage their “unacceptable” impulses by channeling them into acceptable behaviors. For example, these women may direct their sex drive toward their career. Women who are driven with ambition to reach the top, says Walfish, have sexual libido driving that energy. These women are putting out less in the bedroom and more at the office.

“This defense mechanism is known as sublimation. Women are sublimating sexuality into work,” Walfish said.

This unhealthy sublimation can lead to loneliness and reckless abandonment of our personal life. This puts all aspects of our life outside of work on hold — including sex. Soon, a month without sex turns into three months and three months turn into a year.

Before long, we begin to wonder: Where did our sex life go?

Sexual Dry Spell: A Woman And A Man’s Problem, Too

“Going through a dry spell” often gets labeled as a “woman’s problem.” The term is popularly used to describe a “sexless state” and isn’t given the best connotation. But these phases of celibacy, which could be months at a time, are actually normal.

A 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior from The Kinsey Institute found these droughts are common in partnered and unmarried women in their 30s. More than 28 percent of these women reported having intercourse somewhere between once a month and not at all, with the frequency being slightly lower for married women. This is known as “double income, no sex” for married couples in a sex-starved marriage.

Surprisingly, women aren’t the only ones refusing sex in marriages. In a study conducted by Dr. Denise Donnelly of Georgia State University, she found out of 75 married people in sexually inactive marriages, in 60 percent of the cases, it was the man who stopped having sex first. Reasons for the couples’ dry spell included extramarital affairs and demanding jobs. Low frequency of sex in marriages is not a problem unless the partner perceives it as a problem. But how much sex is healthy for a happy couple?
“Couples of all ages who are either married or cohabitating should be having sex one to two times a week on average,” Walfish said. She believes when couples have sex less than once a week (excluding unexpected circumstances), this becomes a cause for concern. Sex and its frequency is usually reflective of communication, based on Walfish’s professional experience.

However, physiological changes in the body, like menopause for women, can impact the quantity and duration of sex.

Menopause: Moist In All The Wrong Places

Women will inevitably experience menopause between the ages of 45 and 50, with the average onset at age 51, according to the Mayo Clinic. This normal part of aging means the ovaries have stopped releasing eggs and making most of their estrogen. Symptoms of menopause include hot flashes, mood swings, and the dreaded vaginal dryness.

This is a different kind of “dry spell,” which close to one out of every three women experiences. The drop in estrogen levels reduces the amount of moisture available, making the vagina thinner and less elastic, which is known as vaginal atrophy. Although this dryness may seem like a small health issue, it severely impacts a woman’s sex life.

“When women go through menopause where vaginal dryness occurs, men can experience decreased sexual desire and some women can have a lower sense of themselves as sexual beings,” Walfish said.

Recently, though, Sprout Pharmaceuticals resubmitted the drug flibanserin to the Food and Drug Administration for approval for a third time. Flibanserin aims to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in women, defined as the persistent or recurrent deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies and a desire for sexual activity that causes distress or interpersonal difficulty, according to the press release. This drug is believed to help women, especially postmenopausal women who struggle to boost their sex drive.

Masturbation: A Cure-All To ‘Use It Or Lose It?’

Women can prepare for the effects of menopause even before they reach their 40s, without relying on drugs. Masturbation can help women remain sexually active — and men, too. It helps protect the nerve fibers and blood vessels responsible for erectile function. However, Walfish advises men be careful with this because they can become fascinated or obsessed with masturbation and begin to turn to it more accessibly.

“It becomes easier to do it yourself than communication. The hard stuff becomes the talking,” she said.